Screenwriting : Script paragraph by Shay Booth

3.

Congratulations on finishing your first script, Shay Booth!

I think the figure is mysterious enough. You could give it a mysterious action or dialogue that'll be important to the story later on if you want.

There's an extra space before and after some of the characters when they talk.

The dialogue is in the center of the pages, but the dialogue isn't left aligned.

Add a new scene heading when the location changes, like when Soojin leaves the bottom of the stairs (I'm guessing that's the hallway) and goes into the room (living room?).

Add "DAY" or "NIGHT" at the end of the scene headings.

Toward the bottom of page 8 and top of page 9 (last scene in first paragraph): Change "it's" to "its."

Middle of page 9 (first sentence in third paragraph): Change "laying" to "lying."

Hi Shayla, OK so there are a number of issues here. The formatting and margins/spacing is not correct. Dialogue should not be centered like that. Also the action lines should be in present active tense, not past tense like in novels. "She drops the camera" not "She dropped the camera". But the biggest issue is thT the dialogue is very weak. It has no punch, no voice, and its too on the nose and stitled. It needs to feel much more natural to regular conversation. I would go back and keep working on it and on your craft

This is not ready to pitch or submit yet.

Hi Shayla! Congrats on finishing your first script! I love to hear it hon, that’s a real milestone.

On the mystery question specifically: what you withhold and how cleanly it lands on the page are doing a lot of the work here. Right now, it’s hard to fully evaluate the mystery because the formatting itself is getting in the way of the read.

I’d strongly recommend getting your script into screenwriting software before your pitch. Your dialogue margins look centered rather than properly blocked, which is totally normal early on. But formatting really does matter at this stage. Good software will snap everything into place and help with page mechanics automatically.

There are lots of options depending on budget. Final Draft, Fade In (I use Fade In Pro, but they have a free version, though it does watermark your pages until you pay), WriterDuet, Celtx, etc. Even free versions will help enormously.

I’d also suggest letting the script rest briefly, then rereading or having someone read it aloud to you. The polish stage isn’t fun, but it’s essential. I’ve been polishing a handful of scripts for months now, and only one is truly pitchable.

Once the formatting is solid, the mystery elements you’re aiming for will be much clearer because the reader won’t be tripping over the page itself.

You’re close. This is just the unglamorous part of the process. Most see it as tedious. And I get that even if I do not see it that way. But tedious or not, your page layout has to be pretty dang perfect and you really have to polish it all up. Make those sentences the best ones you can make them. Yep, every single one of them.

P.S. I attached a photo so you can see how dialogue looks when it is properly blocked (it's an excerpt from Alice in Wonderland from the book I got on formatting - not my script.).

Hi Elle Bolan Thankyou for this, I am on Final Draft now. I think I am struggling with the script as a whole. I have autism and Dyslexia but I am trying :)

It's okay to struggle through your scripts. Most of us do. Particularly when we are first starting out.

Don't be discouraged. There are so many steps between that first draft and the one that becomes a film or show. It may sound daunting, but you'll write on this thing more than you probably want to in the time between one and the other. But you'll get it whipped into shape by the end of it. You can do it. Rest your mind on this one. Write something else to keep those creative flows going. Come back to this draft after the rest and with some distance.

You got this.