Hi all, I work in development and am often giving a lot of script notes, and there’s one thing I find myself coming back to again and again:
Writers often withhold clarity early on in an effort to be intriguing, but it usually has the opposite effect.
If I don’t understand the core premise, tone, and character POV within the first 10 pages, it becomes much harder to stay engaged, no matter how strong the concept is.
Mysterious is great, Mystifying is not.
Curious – is this something you’ve gotten on notes before? How have you adjusted your script as a result?
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I think this is a great point and something I see writers do all the time. In the development stage, it's very important for writers not to be too cryptic or keep it all close to the vest. Myself, I just often spoil the entire thing in the first line or two ideally and get it over with. When developing a project, I want readers and execs to know exactly what's coming, so the conversations can advance to how to make that happen and not waste time with anyone trying to "get" the story.
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I’m a 3 beat kind of gal. The way I solve it is Balance. I feel like I always have a pretty good sense of when To give the audience appetizers and then when to give them the full course. You would think it would get repetitive or predictable but three beats is usually on the nose.
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I had a very thorough screenwriting teacher in that regard. He was a script doctor for Warner Brothers (if I remember correctly) and he would stop reading a student's screenplay in class when exactly those points weren't set up by page 10. He made a show of it. So, I rarely get this specific note because it was drilled into me from the getgo as a hardline approach.
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I went through many revisions before I got to a finished script for my audio drama. I could probably go through a few more but it's already been produced and we're now heard in 59 countries. The idea that I could wait until page 10 to make clear what's going on - 10 minutes into the show is a long, long time. My goal is to get the audience interested and give the basic elements in the first 3-5 minutes. I can cut it to 90 seconds if I have to. There must be a balance between giving the listener / audience enough to keep their interest and giving too much or not enough. For audio-only, the dialog connections must be solid. Clarity in the dialog and the subtext for the scenes make a huge difference. Getting that dialog right is always going to be a writing challenge.
Pat Alexander Really like this outlook. I think it's smarter to get ahead of twist and turns. Save the reveals for the audience, not the executives!
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Selvir Katich, sounds like a great mentor! Glad to hear you can often avoid this!
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Sean Hussey i like your post, its short, direct, doesn’t play frantic semantics and hits the nail right on the head as great advice. My sense of humour also thought:
“And so children, always plant the shotgun in the closet early, and never ever have the audience walk out at the end thinking: “that elephant with magic powers that saved them all at the end was a big surprise, where did it come from?”
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Sean Hussey I love to write contained survival horror. I strive to get my theme, character intros and inciting incident within the first 10 pages and then its blood, gore, surprises, and survival throughout the rest of the screenplay. I like those movies that kind of surprise you with new information but can understand how that can make a screenplay a little boring if the surprise is held off too long. I've sat in movies where the first 30 minutes are boring to me and recognize that you got to show the audience why they are watching this movie quickly and effectively. Thanks for the insight.
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A previous draft of my spec script spent the first two pages introducing the antagonist and the threat they posed to the hero (whom we met in the next scene). Some movies do this, but most don't. Some readers were ok with it, others were not. It did reach the finals of the Page Awards, but in the end, I decided it was better to avoid dividing opinions. Getting an exec to read your script (without paying them via a service platform) is hard enough.
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Hi Sean. Totally agree with you on this. A similar problem that sometimes crops up is confusing “overly complicated” with “complex”. Complex can be very well crafted and intriguing whereas overly complicated thinks it is being clever, but is just bewildering and not entertaining.
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Sean Hussey, That’s a really useful distinction. I think it’s easy to confuse holding back information with creating intrigue.
I’ve been trying to make sure the audience understands the emotional POV early on, even if the full situation isn’t clear yet. That way there’s still something to hold onto while the mystery unfolds.