THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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GUITAR CENTRAL
By Arthur L. Butler
In an effort to break into the music industry, an aspiring, Atlanta based rapper relocates to LA and gets a job at a music equipment retail store. Looking to network with producers and industry bigwigs, he encounters much more than he bargained for.
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I like the concept, Arthur L. Butler. It's kinda like a Drama/Comedy version of "Empire."
You said "aspiring," so you don't need "In an effort to break into the music industry." Here's a suggestion: "After relocating to LA for stardom, an aspiring Atlanta rapper gets a job at a music equipment retail store."
I think "Looking to network with producers and industry bigwigs, he encounters much more than he bargained for" is vague. I suggest telling about what he encounters. Something like "As he networks with producers and industry bigwigs, he encounters _________________ (outrageous parties, bank heists, etc.)." I don't know the story, so this suggestion might be off.