Hi everyone! I've gotten some great feedback for my fantasy script and I'm trying to incorporate it. However, I find myself stuck on how to rewrite my dream sequence. I hope someone can share some advice with me.
Essentially, if I envision the sequence in my head to be a dream sequence that is confusing, chopping and non-linear so that the character can't understand it immediately (since it's meant to be a premonition of the future), do I write that as a series of shots or do I write the full dream out as if it was a regular sized scene?
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Hi Melissa! here's a way to write your dream sequence. If it's incoherent, non-linear, then write it as a series of shots. But you can still write it out as a scene as well. Both are correct. It's just your preference as to how you want it to be visualized.
1st as a full scene
DREAM SEQUENCEA PLANE takes off from a runway. A hand holds a large KNIFE glittering in a dark hallway. BLOODSTAINED FEET runs across a large grassy field. A LARGE HOUSE sits dark and abandoned. An INHUMAN SHRIEK pierces the night air.
END DREAM SEQUENCE
2nd as a series of shots
DREAM SEQUENCE
In a Village, a YOUNG MAN, terrified, runs for his life.
- an inhuman shriek pierced the night air.
- A grotesque hand reaches out.
- The moon turns blood red.
END DREAM SEQUENCE
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As always, It's best to check such scripts, see how's it's done...I have dream sequence in my wip something of a premonition to the MC...designed it to match the flow of the script, other than that it's a scene like any else...slugs on Sequence/End Sequence or whatever and that's it...
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Melissa, David Trottier's "Screenwriter's Bible" is the go-to standard for formatting a screenplay. You can format it in many ways, inside a Slug Line or its own. But for that, all-important, "white on the page", and an easier READ by a Studio Exec, (unless you're producing it, it doesn't matter) the TWO sequences I've posted were from two of my screenplays that received "Recommends" from Studio execs! I hope this helps.
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@Kiril -- That makes sense, thanks!
@DD -- Thanks for the book reference and the examples. I'll work with both formats to see which fits better.
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Melissa - Each & every story is unique so there are no absolutes to this (Trottier is a good reference). Keep in mind that everything the audience see happens in present tense on the screen. My best advice is to avoid writing 'Dream Sequences' if at all possible.
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Hi, Melissa. You've gotten some good advice here, but I'll add my two cents late in the game.
Remember that the way you write it should be the least intrusive to the reader's engagement. You never want to break the flow. The way that I have found works best is to incorporate the sequence into a scene, bookended with Action references to the character in the scene.
For example:
*******
SLUGLINE
Scene set-up
(Character) stirs in a fitful sleep.
[Shot] (CHARACTER'S) DREAM:
Here, I would do the dream sequence as a series of Action lines, each disjointed vision a separate line. It holds the attention and helps build tension.
[Shot] END (CHARACTER'S) DREAM.
(Character) bolts upright, breathless and disoriented.
****
Hope this helps. Best of fortunes with your story.
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Maybe if it's just a premonition of the future he's experiencing, you could leave out any sequence and incorporate it throughout regular description with signs they see along their way. Such as: They are struck suddenly by the sight of...( in line with the first part of the premonition). Then later on: They wake themselves having phased out in front of (second sight reporting to them an element of their premonition).
Just an idea :)
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My only note would be to remember that your sequence should take up the same amount of time as you would watch on the screen. Don’t have the dream take 1 minute to read if you visualize only 20 seconds on the screen. Lots of great advice on here for formatting.
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Agree @Amelinda Time on page should match screen time. @Doug agree there are no absolutes or written rules cos every story need is unique. @All Study dream sequence scenes in as many films as possible. A lot of them are directed smash/jump/cut but not all. Most dreams are flashback and premonition dreams add an interesting curveball. Most likely no night sweats or guilt trips cos not it’s not processed in character’s psyche yet but more of foreboding anxiety. As a director I would incorporate daydreams along with actual night dream. EG They have night dream of forthcoming holiday Maldives. Daytime they are in a board meeting being shown stats on a screen in a hotel conference room and suddenly see a dead bloody crow on their knee. As the danger mounts more “brain real estate” is controlled in night dream. LOL You got me going, just my two cents.
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This is awesome! It's like a writer's room class in session! All of these great comments, feedback, and suggestions to ONE IDEA! And this is why Stage32 is trendsetting as one of the best online communities!!