Hello Screenwriters, I need your help with the logline for my new script, I CAN'T GO TO HEAVEN YET. I'm really stumped on this one, so I'd really appreciate your input. Synopsis: A Japanese man hides in the forest with his family and dog to evade internment. The dog valiantly tries to save them, but they all perish. While in the void between Earth and Heaven he meets a sarcastic chain-smoking, alcoholic angel who's eager for the man to ascend so he can get his wings, but the man refuses to go until he's assured his dog has a good home. The angel refuses to allow this citing celestial rules. The man blackmails the angel into agreeing to help. The dog is captured by animal control when finally, after several people don't pan out, the dog gets a loving home, and the man reunites with his family in Heaven.
Screenwriting : Need Help With My Logline by Gigi Skolnick
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Hi Georgette, briefly what's your screenplay about?
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Just rated it Gigi Skolnick
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The first one is better since it involves conflict with an angel.
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Gigi Skolnick Happy to take a look loglines can be surprisingly tricky to get right, especially when you’re trying to balance clarity and intrigue.
Feel free to share your current version.
Sometimes a small shift in focus like clarifying the central conflict or what’s at stake can make a big difference.
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Chas and Abhijeet,-- synopsis added above. I'm interested in what your logline would be. Thanks in advance for your help!
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Gigi Skolnick Really compelling concept, Gigi there’s a strong emotional core here, especially with the bond between the man and the dog.
Here’s one take on the logline:
After dying in hiding during wartime, a devoted father refuses to enter Heaven until he knows his dog is safe forcing a cynical, rule-bound angel to break celestial law and help him find the animal a loving home before he can finally move on.
I leaned into the emotional stakes and the dynamic between the man and the angel. Curious how close this feels to the tone you're aiming for?
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Here's my spin for you Georgette: Logline: Stuck in the afterlife with a chain-smoking angel desperate for a promotion, a stubborn man refuses to ascend until his dog is safe—sparking an irreverent, heartfelt quest that bends the rules of Heaven.
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I love Charles’ suggested logline. Well written and whimsical, hitting all the beats.
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Mike, If you mean Chas, so far I agree with you. I'd change the word "afterlife" to the "void between Earth and Heaven": Stuck in the void between Earth and Heaven with a chain-smoking angel desperate for a promotion, a stubborn man refuses to ascend until his dog is safe—sparking an irreverent, heartfelt quest that bends the rules of Heaven.
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Chas, So far I like your logline, but I'd change "afterlife" to "the void between Earth and Heaven"... Please see my reply to Mike above. Thanks for your help!!
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Happy to help Georgette, and Yes ! for sure . You need to tweak these things so they feel just right and more importantly capture the essence of your story.
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Ethan Michelle not wise (or professional) to copy & paste a comment made on another thread - makes you look like a spammer, which I'm sure you're not
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Gigi Skolnick Great premise!
You could also punch up the blackmail angle if you want more of the con-artist energy to come through:
A Japanese man who perished evading WWII internment blackmails a chain-smoking angel into helping his dog find a home — because he's not setting one foot in Heaven until he knows that dog is safe.
What tone are you going for?
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Thanks Geoffroy.
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Michael Thorn-- glad you have my back. Thanks