Hi Everyone, I am a screenwriter and writing is my passion. I stays in New Jersey. I recently finished a movie script. Could you please go through my log line and screenplay synopsis and provide feedback on it? Would appreciate your help. Thanks
Your Stage : Feedback on log line and screenplay synopsis by Atul Bhaskar
Feedback on log line and screenplay synopsis
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Hi Atul. I don't want to speak out of turn (or step on Beth's toes!), but I believe a post like this is better suited for the Your Stage Lounge.
Thanks, James for your suggestion. Appreciated.
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Thanks, James, and no worries! ;) And, yes, requests/soliciting for feedback or sharing personal work, websites, blogs, promotion, etc, are posted in "Your Stage"—see description at the top. The craft and business forums in the Lounge are for topic discussion. If you have any further questions, Atul, perhaps look over "Need Help?" found at the bottom of the site. And just to let you know, I also went ahead and moved this post to "Your Stage." ;) Best to you and welcome to Stage 32!
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Thanks, Beth for the information. I will definitely look over the need help to get more information on the website. Appreciated.
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Okay, Atul, I just looked over your logline... And, sorry, it is very hard to understand what this is about? It's too vague. It's also very confusing... "joyful life become victim of mass shooting?"—okay, so what's happening here? Was this man's family killed in a mass shooting? And: "landed successfully after selecting the unwanted way."—huh?! What does that mean? There's really no information given. Nothing is clear. What is the plot? What are the stakes? What's happening? And it's made up of sentence fragments and is not a complete sentence. A logline needs to convey the main narrative of the story: who is the story about; what is the goal; and what stands in the way? It needs to be written in one (maybe two) complete and concise sentence(s). Here's something that may be helpful to you, it's Christopher Lockhart's paper on how to construct a logline: http://www.twoadverbs.com/logline.pdf. I hope that helps some. Best to you! :)
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That will be really helpful, Beth. Thanks so much for your time for the detailed feedback. I will definitely work on it and come up with something more creative. God bless !
Hi Beth, I have edited my log line and screenplay synopsis. Could you please have a look and provide your valuable feedback once again? Would be highly appreciated. Thanks
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Hi Atul, nice to meet someone else from New Jersey!