Screenwriting : Loglines by Shelly Talbot

1-2 sentences

Thank you Geno and Lyndon for your feedback. Not an easy task, as I am finding out.

Long enough but not to long. That's not really a flippant remark Basically your logline is intended to hook a Producer; via an Agent, Director or directly. Keep it tight and succinct - paint the story. Don't worry about word count - that's for professional amateurs. Yes it's hard.

Hi, Shelly Talbot. For a logline, you want something like: "After _________ (something happens), a ___________ (the protagonist with an adjective) must _________ (goal of story) so ____________ (stakes)."

You can also add the antagonist in the logline.

Example:

“Dog Treat Heist” (Animation/Comedy) After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff must defend a dog treat factory so they won't steal food that's meant for hungry dog families.

Thank you Doug and Maurice. These pieces of information help.

You're welcome, Shelly Talbot.

Hi Shelly! Maurice posted the standard logline setup which is perfect to get you acclimated to writing a better logline, But a logline can be from 18 words to 28 or more so long as you hit the key points of your story, like these examples:

7 Hours to Zero: "A former terrorist has only 7 hours to save a retired U.S. President after he's taken hostage by a cunning terrorist group led by his estranged father." (28 words)

Or this famous one:

The Godfather: "The aging patriarch of an organized crime dynasty transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son." (18 words)

Or this one:

Finding Nemo: "When his son is swept out to sea, an anxious clownfish embarks on a perilous journey across a treacherous ocean to bring him back." (24 words)

I would love to take a try at your logline if you like?

Sorry, Shelly. I misread your post. I thought you were asking how to write a logline. I read it too fast. Haha I try to keep my loglines under 35 words, but that's not a rule.

Ah! The "seven key elements" Theme, Characters, Settings, POV, Plot, Conflict, Resolution! OR Main character, Setup, Central Conflict, Antagonist has to fit within those teeny-weeny walls of a logline!

If you want all elements, including a hook, I would say between 25 and 34 words. But there are pro's who say it should be 24 or less. Hell, a production company even said that you could send them your 20 words or less logline; but would not except longer ones because after research they found out 99 out of 100 screenplays with a loglines longer then 20 words sucked. I read what their though process behind this statement is, still--

What is the world becoming?!

At the Stage 32 logline "Thats a movie" contest there were some long loglines the judges really liked. Why? Because the story they told was kickass; It's not only about following rules it seems. Don't get me wrong, for what it is worth (probaly nothing), I liked them too.

25 worlds it's good.

Thank you everyone. This is so much harder than writing the script.

Writing a logline is hard, Shelly Talbot. Writing a synopsis is hard also. They take a lot of rewrites.

Shelly, it's not really that hard. The key is to really understand OR know your story, without clearly understanding your STORY, then yes it's complicated to write a logline, and nail the VISUAL THEME even on the very 1st page.

I'll use the 7 elements of a story just in relation to the Godfather's Logline only (not the complete story) to help you better understand;

The Godfather: "The aging patriarch of an organized crime

dynasty transfers control of his clandestine empire to his reluctant son."

7 elements: Theme, Characters, Settings, POV, Plot, Conflict, Resolution

Theme: Family

Characters: Aging Patriarch, Reluctant son

Settings: a Clandestine empire (in the Mafia underworld)

POV: Organized crime dynasty (aging patriarch, reluctant son)

Plot: An organized crime dynasty difficult succession (from father to Son)

Conflict: Reluctant. Aging.

Resolution: Transfer of control of the Clandestine Empire.

Try this on YOUR logline.

Write the script/story first, rewrite it until you're satisfied - a logline will then fall out in your lap. Writing the logline before you write the story can be pretty confining. writing the logline first can help as a general guide line but it will morph into something quite different - don't fight it, let it evolve during the process.

Thank you everyone. I’ll be working on this for sure, and working and working and working on it.

It should be able to fit on a Post-It Note.

A logline for studio coverage should be exactly one sentence, and not a long run-on sentence that goes on forever, with lots of subordinate clauses either, like this one.

Jerel, I can write really tiny.

Thank you Michael. I should have paid better attention in English class. I will say, that all sounds familiar. I appreciate the tip.

I think I should share this with all. of you creatives on Stage32.

Fom the website logline.it these two basic formulas:

"When a [CHARACTER], is [confronted by a MAJOR EVENT], s/he must [do the ACTION/GOAL].

or:

A [CHARACTER], must [do the ACTION/GOAL] when [a MAJOR EVENT occurs]."

The first version was the standard version explained on logline.it , and is the version a lot of people teach you to use; START with the INCITING INCIDENT, compared to the second verion; END with the INCITING INCIDENT.

Let me be clear, I think neither of these versions is absolutally wrong or right; what version of logline you use could depend on the story you want to tell and the way you want to tell it. Still, the following letter prompted Karel Segers (owner of loglin.it) to to add the second stated logline formula...

"Logliner MrLiteral has been criticising loglines that follow our recommended formula, which starts with: “When” + MAJOR EVENT (Inciting Incident).

I was keen to understand his reasoning, and contacted him.

In his response, he builds a strong case for revising our formula. I wanted to share it with you all:"

"Hi Karel,

I think you've missed the point of my repeated advice...I never tell anyone not to STATE the inciting incident; I recommend they don't START the logline with it.

The formula you encourage everyone to use -- When the inciting incident occurs, the main character must complete the goal -- flips everything around backwards and makes the logline weaker. As I've said on the site, people?don't care as much about the thing that happens as they care about the person to whom it happens.

Yes, it's important to include the inciting incident in a logline, but the premise of the story does not occur without a main character with whom a reader or audience can empathize. In the script and the movie, the character is established and is then faced with a conflict -- a logline should follow the same pattern of storytelling. Also, if the logline ends with the most intense beat of the first half of the story -- which is often the inciting incident -- the logline then finishes with the moment of greatest impact, and makes a much stronger impression.

Look at the difference here, using Jurassic Park as an example:

"A group of scientists must escape a giant adventure park when all the cloned dinosaurs are set loose."

Or:

"When cloned dinosaurs are set loose in a giant adventure park, a group of scientists must find a way to escape.

See how with the first one, it establishes the main characters and then defines their major conflict...like the movie does. But the second one just provides a scenario, and then mentions the people involved almost as an afterthought...as if they themselves are less important than the thing they're forced to deal with. That presents a weak emotional connection for the audience, and mentions the most exciting aspect first rather than end the sentence with the biggest bit of intrigue.

So I think you're misguided in advising people to start their loglines with When...an inciting incident should be included, for sure, but beginning that way weakens the overall impact and emotional resonance. Plus it interrupts the flow of the sentence, forcing a comma in there and breaking up the logline into two sections. It's much stronger when it can just barrel forward, telling people everything they need to know to make the story sound interesting."

"My main takeaway from this is:

'In the script and the movie, the character is established and is then faced with a conflict — a logline should follow the same pattern of storytelling.'

For years, master logline reviewer dpg has been arguing a similar case.

I must admit, I completely agree with both, and am considering changing my advice to address this.

Comments welcome.

Happy loglining!

Karel"

Michael - Ya sure, you bet cha.

I browse many different screenwriting groups and this question is always one of the most popular. And, I've seen many newer writers make the mistake of writing a logline that's a full paragraph or what amounts to a mini synopsis.

I always strive for a one-sentence, high concept logline that identifies the protagonist, antagonist, and primary goals and obstacles. I typically use no more than thirty words.

The sentence needs to be catchy and avoid cliches, stereotypes, and bland language.

I've posted this logline many times but I think it does the job nicely. It's from the 1957 film The Sweet Smell Of Success.

Logline: A press agent, hungry to get ahead, is pushed by a ruthless columnist to do cruel, evil things and is eventually caught in the web of lies he has created.

A) The above logline is 32 words.

B) It identifies the press agent, a damaged protagonist controlled by the antagonist, a ruthless columnist.

C) The logline tells the reader the consequences of the protagonist's actions.

This is what you may want to consider when writing your logline.

Hope you're doing well, Uncle Phil.

Thank you Phillip.

Doug: Thanks and feeling better.

Shelly: You're most welcome.

Example of a multiple storyline script, Pulp fiction - "The lives of two mob hitmen, a boxer, a gangster's wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption."

Less than 35 words according to Script Revolution.

One sentence. Ideally 30 words for less.

But with verbs and subjects, things like that, right?

NSERT LOGLINE FORMULA IN YOUR STORY

While no two movie loglines are alike, inserting your story into logline template can give your project shape and keep you on track. Use the following formula to get you started:

When [INCITING INCIDENT] happens, [OUR PROTAGONIST] decides [TO DO ACTION] against [ANTAGONIST].

One sentence. Protagonist + Antagonist + Story Setting. Good guy fights bad guy in a galaxy far far away. That’s a super generic example, but you get the idea :)

If you cannot instantly come up with a creative logline for a script you just wrote put it away and try again tomorrow. There is no formula.

Thank you everyone. Such a great response to my question. I think I understand that there isn’t one rule. Keep it short and to the point and hitting on some very specific bullet points.

Stage32 is the best! Awesome advice from many perspectives here! Just remember, Shelly, 'Protagonist, Obstacle (Antagonist), and Goal" in a short sentence! That's really it in a nutshell! How you colorize it with personality traits is what makes it pop off the page, like so: "A claustrophobic hitman trapped inside of a booby-trapped maze, has only one hour to kill his cunning victim."

Find a similar script storyline on the web, search the Log Line & put your own spin on Your Once Upon a Time as your guide . . ..

1. Once upon a time in Hollywood (2021) Three days in the lives of an actor struggling to stay relevant and his stunt double buddy as they deal with life's little ironies.

2. Mad Max (1979) – A vengeful Australian policeman sets out to avenge his partner, his wife and his son whom were murdered by a motorcycle gang in retaliation for the death of their leader.

5. Night of the Living Dead (1968) – A group of people hide from bloodthirsty zombies in a farmhouse.

6. Rocky (1976) – A small time boxer gets a once in a lifetime chance to fight the heavyweight champ in a bout in which he strives to go the distance for his self-respect.

7. Halloween (1978) – A psychotic murderer institutionalized since childhood for the murder of his sister, escapes and stalks a bookish teenage girl and her friends while his doctor chases him through the streets.

8. American Graffiti (1973) – A couple of high school grads spend one final night cruising the strip with their buddies before they go off to college.

11. Napoleon Dynamite (2004) – A listless and alienated teenager decides to help his new friend win the class presidency in their small western high school, while he must deal with his bizarre family life back home.

17. ET: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) – A meek and alienated little boy finds a stranded extraterrestrial. He has to find the courage to defy the authorities to help the alien return to its home planet.

19. Star Wars (1977) – Luke Skywalker, a spirited farm boy, joins rebel forces to save Princess Leia from the evil Darth Vader, and the galaxy from the Empire’s planet-destroying Death Star.

As long as it delivers on world, tone, situation of the lead character, teases the journey and stakes, you'll have most bases covered. Writing a good logline that represents what about your project will make it interesting can take a lot of re-drafting.

I did that with a short script, Thomas. I took "A Quiet Place" and wrote the reverse of it.

Thank you, Evan.