THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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THROUGH SMOKE

THROUGH SMOKE
By Alainna MacPherson

GENRE: Action, Thriller
LOGLINE:

A renegade assassin's decision to protect a child witness rather than kill him, sends them both on a desperate race to stay one step ahead of the determined drug kingpin who wants them all dead. 

SYNOPSIS:

ACT 1:

We start in a park restroom where PAUL is getting roughed up by JOSE because he doesn’t have the drugs (or money) that he was supposed to get to the boss. Paul promises to pay him back, and Jose pretends to be okay with that, but kills him anyway.

Turns out, though, that there was a Witness-style kid in the restroom all the time, though Jose doesn’t know this.

This killing of Paul by Jose is the inciting incident. By killing Paul and erasing the possibility of getting the money/drugs back, Jose has set the wheels in motion on the witness front. (There is the possibility of another plotline to find who has the money and/or drugs, but that isn’t addressed in the pilot. If the drugs are recognizable ala Breaking Bad, that could make for interesting drama on the Rico/drug-trade plot line).

Jose meets RICO the boss and his uncle, who is upset at having lost the drugs (NOW we know what it is). He chastises Jose for killing PAUL before finding out who stole it.

Meanwhile, the cops (Marcson and Cho) are called and realize they have a witness to the murder. Possibly two (it’s unclear). They interview JAMES. *Note: they need to SAY James’ name so that we know who Artemis is going after later. (We never know who saw; James, the kid, or both. Presumably James, but ???)

We cut away where DEV is telling Rico that they’ve got it. Rico tells him to “get it done” (presumably kill the dad and the kid).

We meet Steve and Josie who are in a bar. They head out and Steve is “accidentally” brushed by a woman (who we will later learn is ARTEMIS, an assassin). Steve gets violently ill and dies in the cab. Artemis reports in and is told there is “a new one.” She accepts the job but seems distracted by the laughter and normalcy of life around her. It is a rush job, and she accepts though that is not “how she works.” The info is sent. She’s meant to assassinate James.

ACT 2:

Artemis enters James’ house and kills him, but was blindsided by Keyan, the kid. She decides not to kill him and tells him so, despite being ordered to do so.

The detectives arrive at James’ house. Car is missing. Amber Alert issued.

Meanwhile, there is a kid’s party at Rico’s. He Jose tells him the bad news. Rico demands to talk to the agency.

Artemis and Keyan are on the road. They need gas and pull into the same gas station that LINC (a retired army soldier) is at. Linc realizes the kid may be in danger and follows, only to realize that someone else is chasing them. There is a car chase, and ultimately the bad guys are taken out and Artemis spares Linc. She starts to leave but is injured and passes out after another quick battle in which Linc saves the day.

ACT 3

With Keyan and the unconscious Artemis, Linc heads to “somewhere safe.” Meanwhile, RICO tells the agency to fix it. But that isn’t enough and so he sends his guys as well.

Jose and Ceasar head off.

Linc stitches up Artemis in his home and tends Keyan. They bicker and bond a bit. Then prepare to leave.

ACT 4

The cops go to the party at Rico’s. Mention a John Doe? (This is the first we’ve know that Paul wasn’t identified, I believe). Something about a Spy Cop.

Linc works on his car with the kid’s help. They end up trapped there when the agency’s people show.

ACT V

Marcson and Cho get a tip about Jose leaving. They may be onto the same thing.

Linc and Artemis drive in the truck.

Caesar and Cho on the hunt

THROUGH SMOKE

View screenplay
J.B. Storey

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Nathaniel Baker

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Alainna MacPherson

B A Mason I updated the logline. Not sure if you'd be interested in giving it another look?

B A Mason

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B A Mason

It's an improvement, but I still got winded reading it aloud - It's a mild run-on sentence. Also, its moments of past tense and comma weaken it.

My take: A renegade assassin decides to protect their intended target: a child witness, forcing them to desperately flee from their pursuing drug kingpin client.

Alainna MacPherson

Thank you for your insight! I will definitely reevaluate it. Thanks again! :)

Tasha Lewis

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Alainna MacPherson

Thank you for the rating, Tasha Lewis !

Tasha Lewis

Your welcome Alainna MacPherson. After reading the notes from B A Mason. I would add that sentence structure is important (subject verb agreement). When I edit my work, I write every other line so I can write notes in between. When you edit again, at the top of each sentence, write S= subject, V= verb, Adj=Adjective, Adv=Adverb, etc. You get the idea. This will improve your sentence structure. Good resource is Side by Side series of books. I used them to teach English and Spanish.

Amazing Kacee

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