November Write Club Challenge : Rewrite my feature and outline my pilot! by Maria Restivo Glassner

Here's the 8th Annual November Write Club blog, Maria Restivo Glassner: https://www.stage32.com/blog/join-us-for-the-8th-annual-november-write-c...

Gonna try posting an update to track my progress over the month. Today I rewrote my two page pitch for the T.V. Show.

Congratulations on rewriting your two-page pitch, Maria Restivo Glassner!

Thanks, Maurice!

Another goal of mine this November is refraining from submitting or pitching anything until I have finished my rewrites. It is an addiction.

You're welcome. I like that goal. Sometimes it's really hard to wait to submit and pitch.

Today I had a great break through with my side character, and made good process adjusting the beats of the t.v. show. Goal over the weekend is finish laying the beats!

Congratulations on the breakthrough and process on your TV beats, Maria Restivo Glassner! I'm sure you'll reach your weekend goal.

Maria Restivo Glassner ah, yes, Truby’s Premise and Structure. It’s a good place to start, Maria.

What do you guys think of this logline? Been revising it a bunch to show tone, as that has been a big note that has been missing from my pitches. Logline: A scientist losing the fight over the misuse of her genetic engineered cure for cancer in a male driven industry swears she won’t help when the fallout strikes, until the test male monkey she stole from her company delivers a baby before her pothead brother’s eyes, and her father, who thinks a woman with too much brains makes her barren, winds up pregnant and leading a new feminist movement.

Maria Restivo Glassner I think your logline sounds more like a synopsis because of the length and how many details you include in it.

A show logline (the overall logline of the show) is different from a feature script logline and a pilot logline/episode logline. A show logline (which can be one or two sentences) is usually broader than a feature script logline and a pilot logline.

Here's the show logline for my kid's show: "In her fantasy-themed treehouse, a lively eight-year-old girl tells her friends exciting fantasy stories that she writes."

Here's the pilot logline: "Sunshine tells a story about a kid who goes to a fantasy kingdom to get his favorite toy back from a creature." I wouldn't put a character's name in a feature script logline or a show logline (unless it's a biopic), but I put Sunshine's name in my pilot logline. When I pitch the show, I'll mention the show logline and the pilot logline. Since I already wrote "a lively eight-year-old girl" in the show logline, there's no need to put "a lively eight-year-old girl" again in the pilot logline.

Maria Restivo Glassner for me it’s too long. There are too many twists and turns.

Thanks so much for the feedback Maurice! Great loglines! Very succinct and fun! My logline has gone through a million changes and it is for the feature script. It was shorter: A female scientist discovers a cure for cancer in the hotbed of male-driven industry; only she fights for control of it from her chauvinistic bosses, who misuse it, causing the side effect of male pregnancy. The note I got from the pitch was that it didn't show the tone of the story. Hence my longer rewrite. I am pitching this verbally if that makes any difference.

You're welcome, Maria Restivo Glassner.

This is a logline template I use for feature scripts: “After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the protagonist with an adjective) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes).”

I like one-sentence loglines because they sound better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read them, but loglines can be two sentences because sometimes you need two sentences to sum up the story. If one sentence doesn't show the tone of the story, I suggest using two sentences.

Okay here goes: After corporate fires her for curing cancer but daring to proceed ethically, a blackballed scientist must prove her concerns aren't just "female hysterics" before genetic alteration sets in and men like her chauvinistic father give birth.

Thanks for the advice Maurice Vaughan! My rewrite of the logline generated interest! Now all I have to do is rewrite the whole script lol.

You're welcome, Maria Restivo Glassner. Sorry for the late reply. I finished my secondary goal for November Write Club, so I've been catching up on comments and messages. Congratulations on getting interest on your logline! Hope the rewrite goes well and you sell the script! :)

Wow go Maurice!! Congrats on getting your second goal done!!

I am out in Portland tonight, practicing my pitches for the Portland Comedy Film Fest Q and A tomorrow! I am trying to evolve out of hyper-focusing on just writing and learning. I want to balance self-promotion, keeping up with the world, the business, and translating my passion from the page while building a fantastic portfolio. I want to become the filmmaker I want to see myself as. I hope to return with new friends, connections, and more self-confidence in my promotional skills. Oh ya and pictures :) will post!

Thanks, Maria Restivo Glassner. That's great that you're trying to balance out everything. It's important. I try to do the same thing. Hope you have a fun time at the Portland Comedy Film Fest Q and A today and hope the pitches go great!