so… I just got my feedback for the script I have submitted to the contest and it’s been completely demolished, mainly to the point I won’t submit to contests anymore. HOWEVER, there was one critique that stood out, other than “characters and their motives” which I have tried my best to not really explain because their motives are explained deeper in the story etc.
the critique was the focus on action scenes, and that they are long. so, is there anyway to actually do this? If anyone wants to give any like- advice to anywhere in general, videos, etc, I’ll be willing to share some pieces in order to get help
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I reviewed and I believe one of the things is to basically simplify it without going into too much detail. not having to mention every hook, block or kick.
another thing is that I reading sample scripts from movies, I thought every line was a shot, meanwhile there are multiple shots within one paragraph compared to what is on film
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Hey, Justin Groats. I hope the feedback doesn't stop you from entering contests again. I hope it helps you become a better writer.
"I reviewed and I believe one of the things is to basically simplify it without going into too much detail. not having to mention every hook, block or kick." Yeah, that'll help make your scenes shorter.
"another thing is that I reading sample scripts from movies, I thought every line was a shot, meanwhile there are multiple shots within one paragraph compared to what is on film." It's fine to have multiple shots within a paragraph, and it saves space in the script. I like to put an action, object, etc. on a separate line if it's important. And I like to use a lot of one-sentence action lines in fast-paced scenes, suspenseful scenes, scary scenes, and action-packed scenes.
I suggest entering scenes late and leaving early. I was writing a scene today. At first, I had a character walk into a room, get set up, then start a conversation, but I realized it'd be better and the scene would be shorter if the character was in the room already and the characters were in the middle of the conversation.
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Maurice Vaughan probably one of the best advice pieces I have received so far
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I'd recommend reading the script for JOHN WICK. Really great action scenes. Minimalist style but straight to the point. You see it, without drowning the reader in details. For more complex set pieces, you can read BRAVEHEART.
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Here is the John Wick Script Justin Groats and Geoffroy Faugerolas
https://www.scriptslug.com/script/john-wick-2015
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I'm sorry to hear that the contest feedback hit hard, but never let one reader's response drive you away from your approach entirely. Feedback varies enormously from reader to reader, and sometimes even harsh critiques contain valuable nuggets for improvement.
Regarding Action/Fight Scene Length:
This is actually a common note, and it's usually about pacing rather than just word count. Here are some effective approaches:
Focus on Story Purpose:
- Every action beat should advance character or plot
- Cut any choreography that's just "cool" but doesn't serve the narrative
- Ask: "What is this fight/action sequence accomplishing beyond spectacle?"
Use Active, Concise Language:
- Replace long descriptions with punchy, visual action verbs
- "John throws a devastating right hook" vs. "John swings his fist hard toward Mike's jaw"
- Let the reader's imagination fill in details
Strategic Cutting Techniques:
- Start later, end earlier - jump into the middle of action, cut before the conclusion
- Imply rather than show - sometimes "They fight" followed by the aftermath is more powerful (the new Mission Impossible just did this)
- Emotional focus - spend more words on character reactions than blow-by-blow choreography
The "Less is More" Principle:
Great action writing makes readers feel the intensity without getting bogged down in mechanics. Think about how you experience action in real life - it's fast, chaotic, and emotionally driven.
Moving Forward:
Don't give up, and maybe get a second opinion on your material before submitting. Sometimes fresh eyes can help identify patterns that one reader highlighted. Keep writing - every critique, even harsh ones, can make us stronger if we extract the useful parts.
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Here's my trick.
A screenplay should run at around 1pp per minute and that's hard to get right with action.
Find some music that helps you play out the action scene in your head.
Listen to that music and take notes of the time when key moments in your scene happen.
Reverse engineer that time into your page count.
You might have some big moment that happens 45 seconds in, but that's actually happening a page and a half into the scene due to overwriting/formatting. Therefore it's running twice as long as it should.
I found that some of my action scenes, such as car chases ran far too long on the page. They were something like seven pages long when they should have been two.
It's not easy, and you may have to come up with some clever formatting (such as using INTERCUT) to make it work, but it will bring a new energy to your scenes,
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I think the best advice is to read action scripts. Find your own style. I write action pieces and for me - I will either do a sort of bullet point line for each set of actions - or I will do it in 3-4 line blocks using dashes. It keeps it clean and it's something that works for me. But check out any of the movies you like (as Geoffroy mentioned above). Alien, Bourne Identity, John Wick, Enemy of the State, whatever you like and see how they do it. All quite different styles in my opinion. Lastly, don't hang your head on one readers comments. I've had the same scripts make it to finals in one contest and not even to the second round in others. Just keep writing. All the best!