Will and Jessica's relationship seemed to be going great. Then one day she up and vanishes. No note goodbye or anything. He friends out from a friend of her's that she has actually skipped town. Him, his brother, and a few friends all go on a trip to get to her. When he gets there he finds out the truth as to why she left, and it's much worse than he could ever have imagined. (He finds out she was diagnosed terminally ill, and thought it best to just leave, because she figured dying on him would hurt much more.)
Screenwriting : Does this sound to generic by David George Sears
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When Will's partner Jessica suddenly disappears, a journey of discovery for Will, his friends and family, ensues where the horrifying truth of why she left is revealed.
it sounds a little boilerplate MOTW :-|
I wrote that at like 4 AM plenty of time to worry about grammar. I think the difference will be the surprise factor. It's not known by the audience that's she's sick until he finds her
Not bad; but careful checking of spelling and grammar will likely pay off.
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I don't think that is big enough to be a feature film it that is what you are shooting for. There has to be more at stake to get someone to pay money to watch it. This is just my own personal opinion.
when does guy find out his gf is dying? midpoint, act 3? what's the resolution? they both commit suicide at end? whats the message u are saying to the audience?
Somewhere in the second act. probably towards the end of it. And na i think i might even have her live for more surprise factor.
Hello David: If that's supposed to be a logline it's way too long and choppy. If it's a synopsis, it's fairly bland and you need to expand it and offer a clear beginning, middle and end. I'd be happy to send you a sample.
What's the conflict?
Is this part of a synopsis, treatment? Is it a logline? At first blush, it does sound a bit generic and...familiar.
Not a logline, just an idea so far. Of course it may seem familiar due to the subject matter but i'm trying to make it feel original at the same time.
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You can go Love Story, Gone Girl or Typhoid Mary - in other words, the world is your lobster with the basic idea. I like David Gates clue to you above when he says: "where the horrifying truth of why she left is revealed."
Hey George, you have a beginning and an end but with no middle. Also if she just vanishes out of thin air, the assumption will be that she's been kidnapped or something, and I'm not sure that her being terminally ill is a satisfying ending to that. That's like a drama act 3 on a thriller act 2. Unless you make it a dramedy, and finding her is the McGuffin, and the movie is about the episodes they encounter on the road trip. Another twist might be to make one of the other guys on the road trip in love with her or has some relationship with her that the protagonist doesn't know about.
This going to sound generic as an answer. Write it. Story ideas are pretty much worthless. That's why you can't copyright an idea. The execution of the day idea is all important. Look at "the judge", it would s a father son story. Dad is a judge and convicts his own son. Son feels dad treated him harder than others. They reconcile when Dad has cancer. Sounds as generic as your story. But it's a great film. I can see heaps of potential for conflict. 1) brother had a thing for girl, thinks he could be the reason she left. Trying to stop guy from going. 2) guy doesn't like girlfriends BFF and she could be the person that knows. 3) one of the friends know about the brother and the GF so there is conflict there. People sparking off people is great conflict .
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Yeah, it's TOO generic. And thin. Sounds like a bad episode of a generic TV show. Like something I've seen 100 times already. And I know that someone else already mentioned this - and your excuse was that you wrote it at 4 a.m. - but that's no excuse - your grammar and spelling and punctuation is atrocious. You're posting on a screenWRITING thread - get your shit together.