Screenwriting : Writing Description by Jorge J Prieto

I don't at all but so many do, I'm always including a comment about that in my notes when I read scripts.

It happens but my re-writes kind of take care of that eventually.

I think sometimes you SHOULD indicate what the character is thinking. I may occasionally add a line like this: "Teddy stares at her, wondering if his message got through." Then the actor can do the work. Sometimes it helps, because while it may be obvious to you, the writer, what the character is thinking, it doesn't always come across on the page. And that's not bad writing, it just happens that way sometimes!

I have written thirty screenplays so I don't have a problem anymore. Over the years this stuff becomes natural and you tend to do it without any real thought behind. I think that is why I tend to find screenwriting boring today. Anyway when I first started out I did have problems with this and overwriting. That is probably why it took took me so long to get a writing assignment or sell my first screenplay. Here is my method that I use today and I follow it religiously. I always keep descriptions brief and in the present tense and under three lines and four at the very max. I only describe relevant information and not necessary every single detail of the scene. I try to paint the scene in broad strokes and I let the reader’s imagination fill in the rest. I avoid describing a character’s every movement. Blocking is not my job. I try to keep a single event, shot or sequence within one description. If the action changes suddenly I start a new paragraph. I write only what you can see on screen. That means do not write thoughts or anything intangible. If I want the audience to see what my character is feeling I write the physical manifestation of their emotion. That is the biggest difference between an author writing a novel and a screenwriter writing a screenplay. Anyway FWIW it is worth, probably not much this is how I approach writing description.

Thanks everyone, for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, experience on the subject I posted. Dan G: Always grateful to you. Zlatan: Love hearing from you from time to time, my friend. Aray: Always honest Pierre: You are perfect and honest Jaime: Amigo, great to hear from you as well

I'll stand firmly behind my belief that if what you're telling in your action/description helps the director and/or actor understand the character better and done as briefly and vividly as possible, then by all means ... With the big caveat that it's background that can't be shown (like "Lance" from Pulp Fiction, mentioned in a recent post), or if it's a minor character where you're just giving the director/actor the sense of who he/she is. Maybe I'm in the minority, but how does providing a little insight hurt?

I have fallen victim to this as well! However, I believe that it honestly depends on who is reading the script for this to matter. Some people may think that writing what the character is thinking is unnecessary and "bad writing", however, it also could be very helpful for the actor to understand their character. It could even help the reader become more emotionally attached to the character and storyline. In the end, I think it comes down to how much you want to reveal about your characters and how much imagination you want to leave up to the reader/actor/director.

Kevin and Nathan, you both make some valid points. I as an actor as well, totally agree and is one of the reasons, I slip from time to time and catch it on rewrite. However if it's really important for me that my readers understand my characters state of mind in a pivotal scene, I leave it in.

Jorge. You can't show your character's state of mind on film so it doesn't belong in your screenplay. If you want the audience to know your character's state of mind is you have to show your character doing something or saying something that will appear on film.

Jorge - As the say it in GHOST.... Dito, my friend :)... (I spelled that word, right...right? :) LOL

You can always go the Malick route and make it into V.O.

I don't slip up anymore on this particular point when writing screenplays. I write small action to show a characters frame of mind. Eg "John stares at Ruby across the cheap red checked plastic table cloth, first into her eyes, then downwards to her cleavage. The reflection of the diners neon pulsates across her white skin, he grimaces with rage and clenches one fist in the air. She recoils but he doesn't strike her, ........etc etc. " Excerpt from a point in time where audience needs know protagonist is sexually jealous and on the edge. Happy Friday!

I couldn't agree more with Dan G. :) Insights, state of mind, emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc, those must be shown through action, not told. For example, in THE ABYSS, Bud (Ed Harris) and Lindsey (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) have a love/hate relationship as estranged spouses. They have these wonderful scenes that clearly show this complicated relationship and mixed emotions shared between these two. They have yet another confrontation/argument and afterwards Bud angrily goes to the head, pulls off his wedding ring, tosses it into the toilet, flushes it, and storms out. Seconds later he returns and reaches deep into the toilet to retrieve back his ring. When he pulls his hand out it's covered and stained with that yucky, blue disinfectant—now that's love! Lol! We don't need to be "told" what Bud is feeling—despite being at constant odds with one another he still loves her. Now you can get away with little things, more so if they create an image in the mind of your reader. For example, emotional action lines: instead of just "She leaves the room" you add "Frustrated, she leaves the room" or perhaps "She storms out of the room." Both clearly integrate emotion without "telling." You wouldn't write: "She storms out of the room thinking back to the time when her father wouldn't even bother to show up for her big recital performance, realizes he hasn't changed. Lying jerk!" Character descriptions are probably where some people go a bit overboard with "telling" or overwriting, but again you can get away with the occasional clever "tell" that does create a visual image or a "sense" of someone/something. I borrowed this example from "The Coffee Break Screenwriter" by Pilar Alessandra: "NOAH RILEY (32) sleeps as if she's never shared a bed. Arms flung, blanket mussed, pillows strewn. In the background, CNN is on. It always is." Anyway, I hope that helps. ;) I think this is where the craft of screenwriting really comes into play; using tonal writing, your writer's voice, integrating emotion and threading subtext throughout a scene to create a visual "tell," but only doing so through shown action.

That is why I´m single... I never put my arm into that blue and yucky disinfectant! Who knew that´s all it takes? LOL ( Just kidding, Beth) I also couldn´t agree more with what you´ve said here :) THE ABYSS is one of my all time favorites actually.

Haha! Oh, and "ditto" has two "t's," Zlatan. LOL!

Darn it! You see, I knew there was something wrong with that word :) LOL Thanks, Beth, you´re a life saver! My reputation almost got wacked right there :) Haha!

Basically I agree that if you can't see it on the screen, it ought not be on the page. I have however written “talking head – two shots” where I superimpose what the character is really thinking over the dialog. Write tight.

You can actually in a way show what a character is thinking or feeling by describing the visible state of being and if they are guilty or sad or angry about something and it drives the plot forward, you could have the character either mention it or show it in flashbacks. Just not too many flashbacks or it becomes redundant.

Doug. That is why a director's name always appears before the screenwriter's name in the credits.

Beth/Dan G: Thanks for taking the time. You make some excellent points with examples as well BETH (caps, cause you have a big heart) and smart to. Everyone who has left me a comment, I'm grateful. Hope we all learned something from one another. I, when in doubt, will stay away from narrating /writing a character's state of mind. I will follow the examples cited here and stick to that. Zlatan': You crack me up, you and I think alike, my friend. Lol. It must be our age, although I know you are much younger than me. Hey, but age is just a number. Who's counting? Peace.

Jorge - One person once told me that I´m 30 going on 60. With that said and as a 36-year old today I guess I´m really freakin´ old, right? But no matter, love to spread some smiles around even if it´s at my own expense :) We all need some smiles in our lives, right? And yeah, age is just a number, I totally agree. :)

I should've read the original post more closely! Yes, thoughts, feelings, etc. should be shown. In my earlier post I was referring specifically to character description, hence the Pulp Fiction reference where we get background on a character, but nothing about his state of mind.

Zlatan: You are getting wiser, not older, it's how I feel. Lol. I laugh at myself all the time. Laughter extends our lives, so don't stop, my friend. Thanks again.

I aim to please :) Anytime, Jorge :)

Jorge how are buddy, great news -- I'm home alone for a few day's, that means Really good bad food and some good writing. Can you top that ?

I don't know, Robert. Probably not. Enjoy, buddy.

Dan, as long as I'm above the line; I don't care.

Jorge, great discussion topic. Dan, Kevin, Doug, great to get back in a discussion with all while we have time. Here is what I do, and I am not an expert, an absolute newbie by the way, just throwing this out here. Write an action/suggestive direction line saying, "Characters" thoughts play on screen, then write a V.O. dialogue line describing said. This obviously adds further dialogue and word count to the play and tells the audience as well as director/producer more about the character.

Adam: Thanks for the compliment, my friend. It's always nice to hear someone take notice. Like your suggestions, but like you said, the word count might be an issue for me. Has this ever been used before? Again thanks. Please remain active in the lounges, even though some can be a bit dangerous, we are all adults here and further more, we are fearless storytellers and nothing or no one is gonna shut us up. My invitation is on the mail to join your network. Peace. Thanks again, EVERYONE.

Doug. I agree with you!!!

Dan - you can't agree with me; how can we get a learning-for-all discussion going?

Okay I think the screenwriter's name should get top billing since we are the smartest and most talented people in the business except for me of course because I am just a self-taught hack trying to make a buck.