Screenwriting : Need Some Opinions by Sam Levy

It doesn't seem too risqué to me. It think it offers a lot of possibilities as well.

My suggestion: CHARACTER NAME grows increasingly protective when a 22-year-old woman marries his 60-year-old actor neighbor.

I think the topic and concept sound intriguing, Sam Levy. And I don't think they're too risqué. I think your logline needs some work, but like you said, you're just starting development.

I like the premise

I get a good idea of the story. Sounds worth digging deeper into it. As Maurice says, and you probably know already, the logline would need some work but I like the concept

There's a lot that could be super interesting you've got going on ... there's the comps of Rear Window meets Sunset Boulevard waiting for you, too.

Avoid Character names in loglines. Emotional descriptives and careers work much better. How they feel and what they do is what's important. Plus names eat up too much of your tiny logline real estate.

Oh this certainly sounds intriguing! Maybe you can play a with whether or not he’s really abusive. Maybe the resident/protagonist doesn’t have a lot going on and is considered a bit paranoid over some things. Make a bit more psychological as well. And in the end the resident turns out to have been right all along (and saves the day?).

Sorry, just rambling here!

Who is the neighbor? why does he care? is the neighbor a kid and the girl was his old babysitter he had a crush on? Is the neighbor just a busy body that is in everyone's business on the street? Domestic violence is not just physical, its psychological. A lot of women die because they don't leave the abuser and most neighbors are so busy in their own lives they are not paying attention to someone else's. So, why is this neighbor paying attention? Rich and famous 60yrld men hook up with 20yrld girls all the time, what is so salacious in this story that's going to hook me and make me want to watch it? I'm not trying to be hard on you, I think there may be a good story there, it just needs a lot of practical deep thought and plotting.

What does the Hollywood Hills resident do? Understanding his purpose via a job or lack thereof can help us better understand his drive/wants

I don't think the location matters here.

Reads like a knockoff "Rear Window", without life or death/murder stakes.

I wouldn't call it a knock off Rear Window. It all depends on where he takes the story. This story premise is in a few shows from the Fright Night reboot to The Woman In The House Across The Street From The Girl In The Window.

Ok Sam, you're asking a lot of questions and I assume it's not ON PURPOSE, so I'll respond.

Question 1 - Is my script worth developing?

All scripts and ideas are worth developing. However, if you are focused on selling the idea FIRST, your priorities may be skewed a bit.

Question 2 - Is my Logline intriguing to you?

There are many ways to write a Script and writing the Logline is the beginning of the Project, not near the ending. I would argue your Execution of the IDEA (in a Professional Script) is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than the Logline.

Question 3 - Is this idea worth developing to sell the script?

As YOUR Project, it is YOUR IDEA and it is Your Passion and Your VOICE and your Specific POV that will propel it from a Logline into a Professional Script.

Question 4 - If your feedback is good on Stage 32, will my execution from Logline/Premise be good enough to garner interest in my Project?

There are Professionals here and unfortunately, the Industry changes in our fast-paced world, so what WILL SELL TODAY may not even be considered NEXT WEEK.

FINAL ADVICE

Take your Logline, execute it with your skillset and finish the Script.

Let it sit a few weeks, come back to it, and fix what's wrong or missing.

Repeat this until it's ready for Script Analysis.

Take the Script Notes from the Analysis and fix what's wrong and let it Sit.

Keep fixing it until it's at a Professional Level.

Send out and if you get NO RESPONSE, put it in your Digital Library.

Start another Script and Repeat until you have 5 or 6 Scripts.

Now, you have a Portfolio and are no longer a newbie, you are READY to start Meeting People.

Hope this Helps!!!

Agreed with Miqiuel. If you have a passion for it, write it. Start that journey. At least do a full outline so you can determine the entire story and its outcome. That way everything you write leads to that ending.

I will make one suggestion, however. Take it out of Hollywood Hills. It's too easy and few people can relate to life in that area unless it's a story about filmmaking.

I would take it to a place that adds to the interest. Smaller communities are rife with festering rumors and prying eyes.

Enjoy the journey.

Hi Sam, When you get an idea, suppress all the other opposite thoughts and start to develop. Check the flow where it goes. This line what you have mentioned above, its a very interesting knot, you can take its way in multiple direction like 1. thriller, taking it as a suspense, dark and then revealing the actor or any member at the end as a villain or you can even portray the girl itself as a women at the end with a twist. 2. women centric, due to the abuse and stuff, she transforms herself from naive little girl, to mentally powerful to face her reality, to put a full stop for everything.

There are also many other choices which I see here with this story knot. Please feel free to revert if you are still looking for answers. Best wishes.

Hi Sam. A question of clarification for you about your logline: who is the character that becomes abusive? The 22-year old woman or the 60-year old actor neighbor? As I read it, it flickers both ways.