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MELISSA ON ICE
By Michael Nguyen
A British-Japanese acoustic guitar-playing high school student is forced to follow in her mother's footsteps as a figure skater before digging deeper into herself as to what her potential could become.
SYNOPSIS:
Melissa Yamaguchi is a British-Japanese acoustic guitar-playing high school student living in present day London, UK. Her mother Kaoko is one of the most successful figure skaters in the country, always encouraging her daughter to make good use of her life in the future, and not just by playing the guitar. When Melissa suddenly performs some amazing figure skating techniques at an ice rink one night, Kaoko concludes Melissa may have her mother’s figure skating blood, and, assuming her to be destined for greatness, she decides to become her coach, training her to become a professional figure skater.
Melissa ultimately sacrifices her time in-between school and guitar playing to work hard in becoming the best figure skater she can possibly be, including taking ballet classes to help her improve her body flexibility, but the more that she trains, the more meaningless it ends up becoming for her, and thus she falls into disillusionment. As the film progresses, Melissa realizes her potential in life, and discovers her identity, understanding that to succeed in anything, she has to believe in herself.
Melissa on Ice is a story of understanding who you are, what your purpose in life is, and how far you will go to be who you want to be; a sports drama that resonates soulfully within the figure skater in all of us. It’s a whole new reason to break the ice!
MELISSA ON ICE
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Hey, Michael! This sounds like this could be really quite lovely.
It is important to bear in mind that loglines are short (two sentences max); we make our loglines any longer and they very very quickly start to bleed into something that at least sounds like synopsis territory. There's a formula that we love around here that helps with both the actual framing of our loglines, and their overall impact: When [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS], a [SPECIFIC PROTAGONIST] must [OBJECTIVE],or else [STAKES].
Hope that helps!
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Try this instead. A high school girl with musical talent is pressured to follow in her mother's footsteps as a figure skater before discovering what her life should be.
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The fact that the protagonist is forced to follow in her mother's footsteps as a figure skater creates internal conflict. This could be a relatable theme for audiences who have experienced pressure to follow a certain path in life and have struggled to figure out their own potential.
One suggestion for improvement could be to make the logline more concise and focused. It might be helpful to clarify the main conflict or obstacle that the protagonist faces and emphasize what's at stake.
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Mista Martel I first wrote this script back in December 2018, and like all of my other scripts, it has since been redrafted multiple times. From what I can remember, the main conflict or obstacle that the protagonist faces is that she doesn't seem interested at all in what her mother is getting her into and wants out, yet her mother continues to insist that she follows in her footsteps to become a professional figure skater just like her, even going so far as to sign her up for competitions behind her back; What's at stake would be that if the protagonist bails out, all of her mother's coaching and training efforts would be all for naught. Hopefully that was convincing enough; The only problem is that I can only write so much in so little space as a logline!
I created a job posting looking for a producer for a #MeToo-related screenplay that I wrote (AKA my first film script), and this project is next, since it's about time I stopped leaving most of my work in the dust!
Michael Nguyen, Oh yeah, that's why your name looked familiar to me. I saw posting week or so ago.
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Mista Martel I've been in and out of Stage32 for so long, it's easy for me to lash out at myself for not putting in the effort... Oh wait, I remember: I was writing a book during all that time!
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Mista Martel I've got to make up for all of that once more starting now! If you're still trying to remember what post you saw out of me from "a week or so ago" that caught your eye, it's this one: https://www.stage32.com/lounge/producing/Seeking-Producers-For-MeToo-bas...
It relates to that one, but I just saw the job posting.
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