Sometimes I will hear people talk about how important it is to “bring people up with you” as you succeed in life. Funny enough, I’m not sure that I agree.
Why? Because your peers shouldn’t be your charity.
It seems kind, and even morally right, to “bring people up with you” as you succeed. I mean, why wouldn’t you? People will love you for it. You’ll feel good about yourself. Hey, maybe they’ll even make a statue of you in their living rooms!!!
Jokes aside, there are actually very good reasons why you should not bring people up with you. The most important of which is that this kind of thinking is manipulative and narcissistic in its base nature. The sun doesn’t revolve around you and you are not the savior of your friends. It is their individual responsibility to grow personally and professionally. That doesn’t mean you can’t be an ally and mutually help one another grow, but you cannot by any means carry the people in your life.
Instead, re-focus on “coming up with likeminded people.” Here you get the benefit of a mutually beneficial relationship with the peers in your life. You learn from each other’s strengths and get to feel the true joy of watching your friends win. Obviously, we know that no one is a self made person and that we all need help, but it is important to not rip the self responsibility cord too hard here. You are responsible for your life and your friends are responsible for theirs.
As you grow, find a community of peers that you can succeed alongside of, but do not mistake mutual peer relationships for codependency.
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I don't think you clearly understand what the phrase means. I agree that you are responsible for your life, and this has nothing to do with charity or being responsible for other people. It has to do with ethics and community. It has to do with keeping those who you work well with close, and watching each other's back as you progress. With 30+ years in the industry at all levels, I am here to tell you that there really, truly, literally is no such thing as a "self made person" in the industry.
Shadow, I think you and I actually agree here which is great. Of course there is no thing as a self made person. Couldn't agree more. I do, however, think how we think about things and phrase things is very important. The traditional "bring people up with you" idea is nice but fundamentally co-dependent in my mind. However, you are very right that we need other people and community to grow.
I love this reflection. Not because it gives me warm and fuzzies. No, quite the opposite, but I ADORE people who are willing to have hard conversations. This conversation? Tricky as hell.
"Because your peers shouldn’t be your charity." Absolutely. I think this is where mentorship becomes so valuable because you can draw a distinct line between empowering someone else versus doing for someone else.
When it comes to "friends", part of what you have to consider is what _they_ want for their career. You offering to bring them on your journey does not necessarily fulfill their purpose. In fact, it could put unnecessary pressure on them to say "yes" to the offer in order to nuture the relationship at the cost of their own ambitions.
Finally, I can see the other side of the coin as well - when you've worked with friends and you know they are capable, why wouldn't you give them a shot? But therein lies the rub - are they capable? Is it a fair shot? Sometimes giving them space to say what they want is the best way to start. Perhaps even giving them the chance to interview so that the decision isn't made by just you so you know they are what is best for the project.
At the end of the day, you have to trust your instinct. If everything aligns, sure, hire your friend. But don't hire them JUST because they are your friend. There has to be more value they bring than that.
A rising tide lifts all boats! Just raise yourself and you raise those around you.
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I have mentored many during my 35 + years in the biz.
Love you Chuck!
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Great point, as alway, my friend. Just remember, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose...
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The infinite wisdom of my good friend Shane Stanley everybody :)
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While we're on the topic of the specific phrasing, I like this quote: "Send the elevator back down." It's in the spirit of this post, but might satisfy Jacob Matthew's intent a little better than "bring people up with you". The idea being that once you've rode that elevator to the top (success), don't pull the Emergency Stop to avoid others succeeding, too. Instead, be active in giving back to those that are right behind you. Answer questions, provide opportunities, be generous with your wisdom, etc.
This mindset isn't universal, though. I've worked alongside a lot of actors who are right at that brink of "breaking out", and unfortunately they're usually the worst personalities in Hollywood. You can see in their eyes that they think they need to be selfish in order to "make it". In the elevator analogy, they are jamming that "door close" button because they think it will only hold them and no one else. They brush you off if you're not in a position "above" them. Sometimes they're downright rude.
Those that have made, on the other hand, tend to be kindest, most generous in Hollywood. They're constantly sending the elevator back down.
hello Shane Stanley, how are you doing? we have talked long time ago on stage32, I was inactive for being busy and Learning From my mistakes. I was telling you about my first projects as a composer on a film called {Wu lin the society}, now it is already Registered on IMDB and on Streaming websites. so, i promised you to tell you about it, but i had to learn from my mistake so i can learn from it. Film Industry is all about who you know not what you know.