Roberto Vitale please elaborate on why the 2 stars. It might help me with fixing it. Thanks!

Although I just recently changed it so maybe I should put it back to the original logline.

Lyter any feedback is greatly appreciated! Loglines are so hard to write. I have a similar angle to your screenplay. A cop discovers his fisherman brother in law is involved in a small scale drug ring. It's questions the cops loyalty to the department and his integrity.

Thanks Lyter, I appreciate that!

I'm also in the process of fixing this logline.

Just a suggestion

When a small town, by-the-book police officer secretly investigates the overdose death of a family friend, he discovers a sinister crime ring that puts himself and his family in jeopardy.

That's some run-on sentence. I ran out of breath reading it out loud.

Thanks. It's a work in progress.

David Clarke Lambertson Thanks for the constructive feedback. I will make some changes to my logline!

B A Mason feel free to make suggestions. I assume you know a better way to "say it" after making that comment.

Sorry - Didn't mean to sound insulting. Simply trying to help.

My take: After the suspicious death of a teenager, a by-the-book policeman conducts his own investigation to unravel a web of corruption endangering his town.

B A Mason Hi Brad, I wasn't insulted. I just feel that when people comment it should be constructive, that's all. Log lines are so difficult so it helps to have someone make suggestions because they see it from a different perspective. Thank you for this!

Hi Christine. I'm a bit late for this party. I love what the logline hints at, but I feel it needs a couple tweaks to get it into what I see as correct "loglinese" form. Here is how I would do it:

After the suspicious drug death of a teenager, a by-the-book police officer conducts his own unsanctioned investigation to get at the real truth—and soon begins to unravel a web of corruption that endangers his entire town.

Usually, the elements you need to have in a logline when possible are goal, obstacles, and stakes. Here, the goal is "to get at the real truth"; obstacles haven't really been dealt with; and the stakes are that there is "a web of corruption that endangers his entire town." I don't know the story of course, so I don't know the obstacles, but I bet that a strong logline could be made if a few words about the obstacles could be worked into it.

Hi A.C. thanks for this! It helps a lot and I'll definitely rework it. I like your suggestion and it does have all the key elements but is it too long? I'm wondering if it can be shortened or maybe it shouldn't be??

I still want to read this screenplay, Christine!!! Sounds TERRIFIC!!!