Screenwriting : Your script is a selling document, so open big. by Phillip E. Hardy, Prolifique

Thank you for share that.

Hello, Mr. Hardy. I have sent you an invite, thank you in advance for accepting??? I am a fledgling screenwriter who wholeheartedly agrees with your "First Ten Pages" theory. You have my request ,when you have a minute please check out my bio, it includes log line, synopsis, and 1st 3 scenes, about 10 pages. My first full length script, true story. Does it hook you on any level?

True... Nowadays , u got 5 pages to engage the Reader. I find that i read faster on computers than holding a paper script. "Easy read", "page turner", "fun read", that comes from experience, from writing and rewriting. The opening 10 pages, u gotta have CONflict/drama, either by plot or dialogue. keep the action descriptions simple and short. Readers dont want to read "War and Peace" in between dialogue.

Phillip- Always learn when you post. You are part of the reason why my screenwriting gets better all the time. Thank you sir.

Steven: What a nice thing to say. You just went up ten more points in my book. And I don't even have one... a book that is.

Phillip- Thank you. I could use as many points as possible book or no book Write On!! (Pun)

Great post, Phil! Writing a "selling document" is inevitable when you believe you're "selling writer." Get after it!

@SB: I equate this particular situation to a deli. My director already loves the sandwich. Now, we're just in garnish phase. We're tweaking a few minor things and that sandwich should be ready to serve.

Can never go wrong if you go (light on the cheese).

Philip- splash some yellow mustard. throw in an Asian sidekick. Sci- fi always sells, especially if u have 'positive' asian role models... like I always say now, Follow the money. play by the new rules.

Dan M: Funny you mention it, but everyone in the proposed cast will be Asian, including the aliens; or should I say extraterrestrials?

philip- just made them cool as f*ck. but have 1 token 'good asian'

Great post Phillip, but that's nothing new. :) I particularly agree with your point about long setups. That was probably the first thing I had to learn to let go of. It's amazing how many pages I could trim by getting rid of the setup fluff and getting to the point.

Brian. At least you did let go. Most screenwriters refuse to write economically because it seems so awkward. I think it is the biggest reason so many screenwriters can't break in. Overwriting is probably the biggest killer of screenplays.

Have to hook that reader quick. Great tips as usual. Heard from a few readers my scripts have been "an easy read". Now I know how to take it!

Recently I got a "it's a great script" response from a producer after reading one of my screenplays. I wasn't trying to sell it but we are now talking about working together on the project. Talked to Judy Norton the other day and she didn't want to act in one of my screenplays based on the synopsis but she read the script and thought it was a fast easy read and she agreed to be in the movie. These things Phillip brought up makes a difference. Also, if a script is too wordy it will through the page count. If you mess with Hollywood's one page equals a minute of screen time theory you are asking for trouble. I am working currently working on a script and the page count was about mid 90s. When I converted it into Final Draft it came out to 107 pages. I went through the first ten pages last night and took out all the unnecessary descriptions and words that made it read more like a novel. I also took out the camera directions which seem to appear on just about every page. Out of the first ten pages I went through i lost thee pages already. I am really starting to worry that there might not be enough to make a feature film and will have to start adding more scenes. It is a lot easier to cut scenes than it to add them. I do thank Phillip for posting this and I hope at least some screenwriters follow his suggestions. Everything we do when writing a screenplay is done for a reason that often extends beyond just the Reader reading it. Anyone that says there are no rules is full of crap!

At Dan G: First, thanks very much for the kind words. Second, in the field of accounting there is an acronym GAAP or Generally Accepted Accounting Principles. In screenwriting we have no such formal abbreviation. However, most experienced screenwriters know there are generally accepted scriptwriting principles. Though I encourage writers to march to their own beat, I also know there are things film and television industry people expect to see when they read your work. The first feature script I wrote was an adaption of my book about the Hatfield-McCoy feud, which ended up being 154 pages. When I posted at Simply Scripts, several writers immediately beat me up for exceeding the 120 page generally accepted industry standard. I took their comments to heart and trimmed it to 117 pages and entered the script into the Richmond Film Festival. A few months later, I was surprised to learn I was a finalist. As I wrote more scripts, and read more books about the craft, I learned about placement of inciting incident, plot points, mid-point finale, clear antagonist/protagonist, conflict, reversals, obstacles and the beginner's mistake of having too much expository narrative and dialogue. Like everything else in life, you'll never learn everything there is to know about writing screenplays. It is a constant evolution of assimilating technique and fresh ideas. But no matter what you do, if you want people to take notice of your script work, it is essential to have well defined characters, tone, genre, conflict and tension in your work. And the most necessary thing of all, begin with having a story worth telling. Anything less is a waste of time. I learned that the hard way.

Everything I learned the hard way too. When I started out I didn't have access to other screenwriters so the people hear have a great advantage. I wrote three screenplays before I even heard about the three act structure.

Another enlightening post, P! This musician and song writer totally identifies in.... Congrats on everything that happening for you. You deserve it, brother. Way to fuckin' work!

Shawn: You are one of the good guys my talented friend. And Colorado rocks in more ways than one!

Phillip, thank you for sharing. I learn so much every day but just reading what all of you write in comments and the posting that you share. I wish you the best of luck in this new upcoming adventure and will look forward to seeing it on the big screen or digital, depending on what avenue you're taking.

Izzibella: Bless your heart and thanks for posting.

Dan, overwriting is the doom of all writing! I overwrite and expect to cut cut cut. Maybe someday I will be able to write economically right out of the gate -- but not yet! This is a great discussion thread. Thanks for the original post Phillip!

Kathryn, nobody is able to write economically right out the gate. Unlike most forms of writing screenwriting has a certain cadence which comes from writing economically. Since it is usually the one thing that gives newer screenwriters the most trouble and takes a lot of practice to get over people will assume the writer is inexperienced if their script is overwritten. Also the script is going to make the reader work twice as hard and if the reader has a pile of scripts to read through the trash can is going to look awfully appealing to them. Here are some tips for write more economically for anyone that is interested: Avoid large blocks of dialogue. Keep action lines to three lines of under and four at the very most. Write only what we can see and avoid character’s thoughts. Don’t describe every detail in the scene. Avoid describing character’s every movement. In other words paint your scenes with broad strokes and let the reader’s imagination fill in the rest. Avoid words that can usually be eliminated such as “are”, “and”, “there”, “it is”, “it's”, “to go”, “to say”, “is”, “to be” and words ending in “ly” and “ing.” You can usually eliminate first words of dialogue such as "Well", "No", "Yes", "Of course", "I mean", etc. Eliminate words like "hello", "goodbye", "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome" unless used for irony or emphasis. Avoid having your character ask questions but when they do don’t have the other character answer if the audience will assume what the answer would be. Replace the "to be" verbs with an active verb or eliminate them entirely. For example "She is in uniform" becomes "In uniform.” "It is dark outside" becomes “Dark, " etc. Make all your action immediate. Eliminate words like "suddenly", "then", "begins to", "starts to" and just make the action happen without any sort of temporal qualifier. For example: "Suddenly, he runs off." becomes "He runs off." "She starts to climb" becomes "She climbs." Hope this helps someone that is trying to write more economically.

Thanks Dan. I will take every word to heart.

Philip: You always bring positive tools to the table. I have some serious rewrite to do on some of my early work, but the last screenplay I wrote, the first 10 pages I'm really proud of. My point: We all get better as screenwriters the more we write. Thanks, Phillip. You are a blessing to this community, my friend.

I concentrate on writing shorts now and the same holds true – you must grab the audience immediately and never let go. You talk about a 10 page intro (some of my scripts are 10 pages in total); I have to grab the reader on page 1 and blow his mind by page 10. That’s concentrated writing and it’s much harder than it sounds – give it a try.

Doug: Thanks for checking in. A writer should always get their story going fast whether it’s ten or a hundred pages. As a judge last year, I read 200 short scripts for the New York City Midnight Screenwriting Challenge. Around ten percent were decent, five percent were very good and about two percent were excellent. It shakes down the same way for feature scripts.

When writer advertising there is the old AIDA formula, Attention, Interest, Desire, Action. Grab there attention with an open images, tell them something or pose a question to get there interest, tell them how it will change their lives to make them desire it, then finally give them an action like 'call now'. This has worked forever. Translate that to your story and you can see why the first 10 pages are important.

Craig-- Wow I haven't heard AIDA since I was back in Adverting at McCann- Erickson back in the late 70's. Yes I was writing ad copy long before I wrote screenplays, The old political line I always liked by an old Nixon White House staffer was. "Get them by the balls, and their hearts and minds will follow" I think it was Liddy who said it one of the Watergate guys.

Steven: McCann Erickson? Didn't Peggy Olson work there during the early seventies?

Steven - there so many things like AIDA that seem have never made it to screenwriting. I am going to post some tools from my Criminal Analysis tools (yep my day job) that are great for mapping relationships.

Craig: Can't wait. Thanks in advance.

@Jorge I just post the two most useful Intelligence Tools for writing. I hope you find them useful.

Phillip. You actually watched 'Dirty Harry'?

Dan, economic writing is a major stumbling block for new screenwriters – from your comment, you must have done well in my class. Most new screenwriters I work with just came from their High School English & Grammar class or their Creative Writing class. They drive me nutz. It takes twice as long to untrain ‘em so you can train ‘em.

Doug. I agree it is a major stumbling block. I was one of those that refused to write economically because it felt so awkward. Once I threw in the towel things began to change. I think that was the one smartest or the only smart thing I did since I started writing screenplays