Screenwriting : Writing loglines. by Phil Hawkins

Correct Phil. So many people say things like “sell don’t tell” or “Leave them guessing so they ask for your script”.

Loglines are often used to sort through a large number of scripts. If you make them guess they will just go to the next script. “Sell don’t Tell” or a craft reference. Show us that he is depressed rather than just ‘he is depressed’.

I have written a book on logline writing. If you are an Amazon prime member you can go borrow it for free, or reach out to me.

Thanks for mentioning the book, Craig! I just bought it. Loglines are my nemesis.

Jerry thanks. That is very kind. I’ll send you network request. Then I’ll send you my other book.

Since starting Script Revolution, I've seen every logline submitted which is 6,500+ loglines.

I can safely say that a huge number of amateur writers cannot write a compelling logline and it's killing their chances of ever getting read.

CJ, just out of curiosity....is that because you feel that the premise itself isn't compelling enough... or because the logline is derivative/lacks originality/sounds like something else....or for any other reason?

I'm sure your answer would be insightful, and might help a few people who are reading this.

Best continued fortunes in your writing career and with ScriptRev, CJ!

Top five issues I tend to see are;

1) Using mysterious teaser style tag lines you'd expect to see on a poster e.g "Would you find love?"

2) Only stating the premise and nothing else e.g "An astroid heads toward Earth."

3) Just plain lazy e.g "A man and woman complain about ice cream."

4) Using a pitch style phrase e.g "FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL meets TERMINATOR T2."

5) Convoluted to the point the logline is a synopsis e.g "BADGERWARS is a big-budget action-thriller and sure fire summer blockbuster staring BADGERELLA, a twenty-something biology student who knows kung-fu, who accidentally drinks badger DNA one day and, after mutating into a member of the Mustelidae family, discovers she must avenge the death of her father who was killed by OTTERMONGER, the oily haired head of..."

Phil, I got a lot of help from Stage 32 on how to write a decent logline...but joining Script Revolution in October of last year was the clincher. On Script Revolution, you get just 35 words to tell what your screenplay's all about through the use of a logline. (After all, you're trying to be professional...and I'm glad CJ Walley put in the 35-word rule for loglines.)

CJ and Phil, all the VERY BEST to you!

Thanks for answering my question, CJ. Hopefully the ScriptRev members you speak about will see this and take note. And others, too. Maybe you can put together an article or blog about it, too.

Thanks again, CJ.

Bless you for pointing out what people have been saying for years..."Yeah, but what's it about?" There's nothing worse than misleading advertising. (Makes me think the producers know they've laid an egg and hope to make $$$ anyway.) How about this as a log line? 1917: Blair Witch Project meets Saving Private Ryan only art-ier. Goofy plot, annoying camera work, silly dialog, unbelievable ending but Oscar winning cinematography. Would you watch it? I think not.

Jenean - and you would be right.

See article in the blog a couple of days ago. Excellent recommendations and examples.

Unfortunately, CJ for years, many new writers were told " a great logline should be able to tell the story in 25 words or less"

I think the length is flexible. As long as it is as short a possible. A logline could be 60 and still feel compact. I have seen 20 word loglines that waffle and say nothing about the story.

Loglines are like scripts. Read as many as possible. You’ll recognise a great one when you see it. I don’t know who wrote this one. But it won a logline competition.

“A man clones his wife so he can fall in love with her again”.

Seraphima - I agree! Not only that, you click on the title to look at the summary teaser and the movie starts immediately. Drives me nuts. It also shoves the closing credits into a tiny box so they can advertise something else - it ruins the last moment of the movie; if it's a sad ending, it shatters that little moment where you take a breath and take it all in.