Screenwriting : Will Appreciate your Feedback :-) by Alexis Medel

Your character driven Logline did create these questions for me, "who is she?" ," why was he alone for 12 years?", "why would a werewolf want/need a human mate?". You have established a premise and raise the stakes of what will he do when finds out she is not what he thinks she is? Yes, it works for me.

Lonely werewolf long bent on relating to human friendship finally finds his soulmate only to discover she hides something more sinister than his own nature can handle

....but this is only if ure planning to do romance/dramedy ala Warm Bodies...do not misuse this kind werewolf relationship in solid horror movie :)

I think you've probably got it, it reads well for sure. The only thing I find as I read it is that to me, I do not know or understand that werewolfs a) have human mates b) want human mates! LOL. So if there were a way to speak to that, I'd give you 5 stars. haha (like, "After living life in isolation from humans, a young Alpha werewolf forges a powerful bond with a human... etc) But really, that's a nitpick and i think this logline will fly.

It sounds great - it's a good skeleton to add in a few more details, such as; is he 12 years old or an adult who was alone for 12 years (and why, if that's a story detail that helps)? Is meeting the human the catalyst for the story? What does her mysterious identity do to him - do they need to solve a mystery, or is she out to do him harm or something...

I love a good werewolf story so I'm already emotionally invested! XD

Paul Rivers Thank you for your feedback!

Kiril Maksimoski Haha. I got your point. Thank you for the advice. I'll take note of this. :-)

Julia Petrisor Thanks Julia!:-) I'm just curious to know if your questions (after reading the logline) will make you read the full script to know the answers?:-)

Great start but needs more detail. Does he find her in his human form? What are the conflicts/stakes? Here's my take: When an alpha wolf falls in love with a hunter, he must choose life or death.

She may not even be a hunter. She might be a vampire. I hope i helped in someway

Freyja Seren Thanks Freyja!:-) This is noted. And yes, meeting his human mate is the catalyst for the story.

Looking forward to seeing this develop! I love anything to do with werewolfs

Thanks Aray Brown. Of course you did as always.:-) Not in human form she is human as in human being. It's not typical for a werewolf to have a human mate and this is where the story will evolve. About the conflict part, I need to think on how am I going to add it.:D

Aray Brown Thank you!:-) We're on the same page!:-)

Sounds interesting Alexis. I'm not sure if you brought up anything about the antagonist if there is one.

I'd cut the "After living a lonely life for 12 years" because that's not the inciting incident, finding the mate is. So "After finding his human mate." should probably be your start. But also that's odd phrasing because we don't know the mythology of this world. So I'd change it to, "After finding love with a human" or something like that.

And then the second half could be more specific. Loglines should very clinically tell us the first act to first half-ish area of your script. So "but it turns out she's not who he thinks she is" should very much be the specific stakes like him learning she's a werewolf hunter and will kill him or something. I don't know what it is, but just saying that's why it needs specificity.

And you should end up with something like, "After finding love with a human, a lonely young werewolf is swept up in romance, but when he finds out she's a werewolf hunter, he must try to convince her to join him before she kills him."

Didn't interest me. Sorry.

"After living a lonely life for 12 years, a young Alpha werewolf finds his human mate, but it turns out she's not who he thinks she is."

Why would someone be called "Alpha" when one lives a "lonely" life for 12 long years. An alpha is a literary term(not scientific or existing in psychology) though but still it holds a purpose of who makes an alpha she-wolf. Werewolves are often considered immortal, so 12 years kind of mostly wouldn't be a big number in that context but you get why it kind of disconnects overall with the logline you pulled up. It doesn't reflect the conflict and leans on to him knowing who she is. The protagonist in there shuffles because of that .

Attached is the key to most common looked up logline format to help you with. I would say , start with the central flaw of the character. You might find some ways out. Beaast(werewolf) of luck :-)

I think you have a good start Alexis Medel . Werewolves? I'm in. But there is a question. If he's an alpha this would imply that he has a pack (at least is does to me). So why is he lonely? Just spit balling here, but was his pack killed off? Is that why he's lonely? Does he have to be an alpha? Why is that important? Just some thoughts. Also you say he finds his human mate. So he was looking for one? Maybe say "he finds a human mate" or he "decides to find a human mate".

Say: After his pack is slaughtered, a lonely werewolf decides to find a human mate then it turns out she's not who he thinks she is. (Oh. What if she's really a hunter and she's the one who killed his pack or she's related to the hunter? Okay that's enough. Yeah I need to be in a writers' room. LOL!)

Not saying that my humble suggestion is a great logline at all, just something to think about. It's your story after all. Happy Writing and look forward to seeing more. I'm working on a supernatural detective TV pilot myself so I love this stuff. The worldbuilding can get really interesting. The key is establishing the rules.

I agree, Alphas do have packs considering they’re the first

Thank you Nick Assunto - Stage 32 Script Services Coordinator How about this one then?

After finding love with a human, a lonely young werewolf swept up in romance, but when he finds out she is the one behind his parents' death, he must choose love or revenge.

Yes he has a pack. The term lonely refers to his emotional state. My bad!;) Thanks for pointing that out Martin and Aray.:-)

Alexis Medel that's a lot better. Stakes are clear. Story is established. Nice work!

Thanks Nick! Couldn't do it without the support of everyone here!:-)

@Martin my sentiments exactly! My mind is racing with all sorts of scenarios lol

I agree with, Nick's assessment.

After a young Alpha man finds out his woman is a werewolf hunter who killed his parents, he must choose love or revenge before the next full moon makes him turn.

Discovering that the human love of his life is responsible for his parents death a werewolf must ..... forcing him to decided between forgiveness or revenge.

Could be a bit wordy.