Your Stage : Will Appreciate your Feedback :-) by Alexis Medel

Your character driven Logline did create these questions for me, "who is she?" ," why was he alone for 12 years?", "why would a werewolf want/need a human mate?". You have established a premise and raise the stakes of what will he do when finds out she is not what he thinks she is? Yes, it works for me.

Lonely werewolf long bent on relating to human friendship finally finds his soulmate only to discover she hides something more sinister than his own nature can handle

....but this is only if ure planning to do romance/dramedy ala Warm Bodies...do not misuse this kind werewolf relationship in solid horror movie :)

It sounds great - it's a good skeleton to add in a few more details, such as; is he 12 years old or an adult who was alone for 12 years (and why, if that's a story detail that helps)? Is meeting the human the catalyst for the story? What does her mysterious identity do to him - do they need to solve a mystery, or is she out to do him harm or something...

I love a good werewolf story so I'm already emotionally invested! XD

Paul Rivers Thank you for your feedback!

Kiril Maksimoski Haha. I got your point. Thank you for the advice. I'll take note of this. :-)

Julia Petrisor Thanks Julia!:-) I'm just curious to know if your questions (after reading the logline) will make you read the full script to know the answers?:-)

Freyja Seren (she/her) Thanks Freyja!:-) This is noted. And yes, meeting his human mate is the catalyst for the story.

Thanks Aray Brown. Of course you did as always.:-) Not in human form she is human as in human being. It's not typical for a werewolf to have a human mate and this is where the story will evolve. About the conflict part, I need to think on how am I going to add it.:D

Aray Brown Thank you!:-) We're on the same page!:-)

Sounds interesting Alexis. I'm not sure if you brought up anything about the antagonist if there is one.

I think you have a good start Alexis Medel . Werewolves? I'm in. But there is a question. If he's an alpha this would imply that he has a pack (at least is does to me). So why is he lonely? Just spit balling here, but was his pack killed off? Is that why he's lonely? Does he have to be an alpha? Why is that important? Just some thoughts. Also you say he finds his human mate. So he was looking for one? Maybe say "he finds a human mate" or he "decides to find a human mate".

Say: After his pack is slaughtered, a lonely werewolf decides to find a human mate then it turns out she's not who he thinks she is. (Oh. What if she's really a hunter and she's the one who killed his pack or she's related to the hunter? Okay that's enough. Yeah I need to be in a writers' room. LOL!)

Not saying that my humble suggestion is a great logline at all, just something to think about. It's your story after all. Happy Writing and look forward to seeing more. I'm working on a supernatural detective TV pilot myself so I love this stuff. The worldbuilding can get really interesting. The key is establishing the rules.

Thank you Nick Assunto - Stage 32 Script Services Coordinator How about this one then?

After finding love with a human, a lonely young werewolf swept up in romance, but when he finds out she is the one behind his parents' death, he must choose love or revenge.

Yes he has a pack. The term lonely refers to his emotional state. My bad!;) Thanks for pointing that out Martin and Aray.:-)

Thanks Nick! Couldn't do it without the support of everyone here!:-)

I agree with, Nick's assessment.

After a young Alpha man finds out his woman is a werewolf hunter who killed his parents, he must choose love or revenge before the next full moon makes him turn.

Discovering that the human love of his life is responsible for his parents death a werewolf must ..... forcing him to decided between forgiveness or revenge.

Could be a bit wordy.

"After an Alfa werewolf finds out his love is a werewolf huntress who killed his parents, he must wisely choose love or revenge before the next full moon makes him turn."

"Wisely" tell that he must dive deep into her prior life to find out what motivated her to kill his parents. Could it be werewolves that killed HER parents? And that is 'why' she became a werewolf huntress Then you have your logical hook. Hey, maybe at the end of his investigation he finds out - the major TWIST; that it wasn't 'just' werewolves - that "HE" killed her parents. Now they are joint in their guild. Can there still be love? Maybe, But at least there is redemption.

Try to condense it slightly, and make it feel more conclusive than leading the viewer/reader on. Think: "After a lonely werewolf finds his human mate, he must chose love after realising she is not as she led on."

There is no "leading on" and thereby loss of suspense in the logline Harvey, because 'the story', whatever that is, is still to be uncovered / played out. There's just creating a clear playing-field.

I was told it's often good to include the central conflict and/or danger in a logline to draw out the reader's emotions a bit.

Hi Rutger! Thank you so much for your amazing input!

Hi Eric! I'll take note of this. Thanks a lot!