A college football star's dream of turning pro is jeopardized when he's charged with the task of caring for his niece following his sister's tragic death.
Thank you!
A college football star's dream of turning pro is jeopardized when he's charged with the task of caring for his niece following his sister's tragic death.
Thank you!
Hi. As part of my story, I have a submissive Mennonite woman as the protagonist. I was thinking that the story was going to be about personal empowerment (Mennonite ethics aim at the disappearance of individuality and self-interest. In conservative Mennonite communities women are powerless and being...
Expand postHi. As part of my story, I have a submissive Mennonite woman as the protagonist. I was thinking that the story was going to be about personal empowerment (Mennonite ethics aim at the disappearance of individuality and self-interest. In conservative Mennonite communities women are powerless and being submissive is not a vice, but a virtue). This is what I got as a feedback from a friend of mine: "I think this would have played 100 years ago, but the fact you have to reach into the Mennonite community today in order for it to make any sense at all tells me it's a little played out. I don't really want to discourage you from writing about the topic, but it seems like a horribly old fashioned idea at this point to me. I'm NOT saying it doesn't happen, but holy poo most of the stories I'm seeing are beyond this now; "Hunger Games," "Divergent." It's not that women have to come "up" to the level of men, but have far exceeded them." That changes everything for me. What do you think? Any additional advice? Thank you in advance.
I agree, I think anyone who uses the words "holy poo" in their notes probably isn't someone you need to take with a great deal of weight. I like Beth's logline suggestion. And I think setting a thriller like that in that type of community could be original. It worked for Witness.
I like your logline. But I don't know if you need the word "submissive." I think that's implied already by "Mennonite" and "defies." Just my opinion.
Yeah, I thought about that too... but I do like all three; "isolated," "submissive" and "defies." Those words clearly set up the stakes and the character arc. Many people may not be aware of Mennonite...
Expand commentYeah, I thought about that too... but I do like all three; "isolated," "submissive" and "defies." Those words clearly set up the stakes and the character arc. Many people may not be aware of Mennonite culture or its variations. They are not Amish, although both groups do have some similarities. They both agree on basic Christian doctrine but differ in how they interpret the ways in which those practices should be lived out. I grew up in Minnesota and there were several Mennonite churches but those congregations were much more lax, modern. The group in this story sounds far more orthodox. And, without those choice words, this story could sound like any other murder mystery. Just my two cents... :)
Hi Arturo. I'm RB, Founder and CEO of Stage 32. As an actor, screenwriter, and filmmaker, I know first-hand the challenges all creatives face finding work and attracting attention to their projects. That's why we created Stage 32. Since our launch in September of 2011, the community has grown to 250,000+ members strong representing every country on the planet making Stage 32 the social network uniquely populated with the most creative people on Earth. This is a network for you, built by you. Like most things in life, the more you participate, the greater the rewards. We ask all new members pay...
Expand postHi Arturo. I'm RB, Founder and CEO of Stage 32. As an actor, screenwriter, and filmmaker, I know first-hand the challenges all creatives face finding work and attracting attention to their projects. That's why we created Stage 32. Since our launch in September of 2011, the community has grown to 250,000+ members strong representing every country on the planet making Stage 32 the social network uniquely populated with the most creative people on Earth. This is a network for you, built by you. Like most things in life, the more you participate, the greater the rewards. We ask all new members pay it forward and invite at least 5 fellow creatives and to spread the word of Stage 32 through other social media sites such as Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. You can also invite fellow creatives through the site by using the "Send Stage 32 Invites..." button on the upper right side of your profile. The more creatives, the stronger the network. The stronger the network, the more opportunities. Thanks for joining the movement and for being a part of this most talented and inspiring community. PS - Please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter at @Stage32online.
Hey Arturo, I'm the CTO and lead developer at Stage 32. Please let me know if you have any questions or feedback about the site. I'd love to hear your comments! To get started with Stage 32 and understand all the features and resources the site has to offer, please check out the Getting Started section and our FAQ.
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. By using this site, you are accepting our cookie policy
Thank you everybody for your replies!!
1 person likes this
Perhaps include a positive that he might gain while looking after his niece that he wasn't expecting, but could be damaged if his ego doesn't allow him to accept it.
1 person likes this
so haven’t read all the suggestions, sorry if I am repeating something. I would dump “dream” for something more tangible.
On the verge of a pro career a college footballers chances are jeopardise when he is given care of his orphaned niece.