Arturo Acevedo: Screenwriter in Norwalk, California.

Arturo Acevedo
Feedback on a logline

A college football star's dream of turning pro is jeopardized when he's charged with the task of caring for his niece following his sister's tragic death.

Thank you!

Arturo Acevedo

Thank you everybody for your replies!!

Ewan Dunbar

Perhaps include a positive that he might gain while looking after his niece that he wasn't expecting, but could be damaged if his ego doesn't allow him to accept it.

Craig D Griffiths

so haven’t read all the suggestions, sorry if I am repeating something. I would dump “dream” for something more tangible.

On the verge of a pro career a college footballers chances are jeopardise when he is given care of his orphaned niece.

Arturo Acevedo
Story about personal empowerment

Hi. As part of my story, I have a submissive Mennonite woman as the protagonist. I was thinking that the story was going to be about personal empowerment (Mennonite ethics aim at the disappearance of individuality and self-interest. In conservative Mennonite communities women are powerless and being...

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Danny Manus

I agree, I think anyone who uses the words "holy poo" in their notes probably isn't someone you need to take with a great deal of weight. I like Beth's logline suggestion. And I think setting a thriller like that in that type of community could be original. It worked for Witness.

Stephen Williams

I like your logline. But I don't know if you need the word "submissive." I think that's implied already by "Mennonite" and "defies." Just my opinion.

Beth Fox Heisinger

Yeah, I thought about that too... but I do like all three; "isolated," "submissive" and "defies." Those words clearly set up the stakes and the character arc. Many people may not be aware of Mennonite...

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Richard "RB" Botto

Hi Arturo. I'm RB, Founder and CEO of Stage 32. As an actor, screenwriter, and filmmaker, I know first-hand the challenges all creatives face finding work and attracting attention to their projects. That's why we created Stage 32. Since our launch in September of 2011, the community has grown to 250,000+ members strong representing every country on the planet making Stage 32 the social network uniquely populated with the most creative people on Earth. This is a network for you, built by you. Like most things in life, the more you participate, the greater the rewards. We ask all new members pay...

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System Admin

Hey Arturo, I'm the CTO and lead developer at Stage 32. Please let me know if you have any questions or feedback about the site. I'd love to hear your comments! To get started with Stage 32 and understand all the features and resources the site has to offer, please check out the Getting Started section and our FAQ.

Arturo's network

Simeon A. Laizer
Jahmilla Jackson
Fred Plimley
Marcelo Grion
Hayley Gagner
Beverly Harriette Kolber
Michael Longwood Lothery
Josh Mitchell
Sandor Kocsor
Jazmen Darnell Brown
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