Joao Antonio Nsita's Lounge Discussions

You asked for feedback, Joao. Take what you like, disregard the rest. Screenwriting is never personal, my friend.... SB is the A1 book for beginners. Your writing/storycraft shows you haven't read it. Please pick one up to familiarize yourself with current spec guidelines. If you'd like to check out my 'pro approved' work see: https://www.stage32.com/profile/185490/Screenplay/Hollywood-ending-2 ... pay particular attention to direction/description/action and the first 3 pages and how there's a major turning point at the bottom of each page. Hope this helps - Happy Holidays, boss!

i didn't mean it like that shawn sorry for any offence, but i am still learning how to write sitcoms, i'm regularly getting feedback through the comedy crowd website. so don't take my work seriously as yet, but thank you for taking time in reading my script and i will check out your link, cheers happy thanksgiving mate

You didn't offend me in any way, my friend. I started adding a disclaimer for my 'feedback' posts: "Take what you like, disregard the rest. Screenwriting is never personal, my friend".... because some aspiring writers do take it personal. It's a reminder - I'm here to help. S32 is here to help you achieve your goals. That's what we do, buddy :) I work for U!

cheers

Joao it's always a good idea to spell check and grammar check your writing before posting it anywhere. Also, read teleplays in the genre you wish to write in. They're going to help you see that your formatting is off for sitcom writing. As Shawn said, you're in the right community. Plenty of resources here on stage 32.

CJ making waves. Love it. Congrats Joao

each to there own dan but thanks for taking a peek at it

thanks

All the best, Joao! Looks like a fun story.

thank you

Had a quick look - like the banter aspect. There are quite a few spelling errors though - mainly with your/you're their/they're/there. I would fix that if I were you cos apparently scripts get rejected for misspelling however good they otherwise are. Good luck Joao

thanks for reading the script gareth and the advice. i'm looking into the problem at the moment.

That's what's up, J! Don't forget to post a link with your post. It just makes it easier to click and read. Like this: https://www.stage32.com/profile/185490/Screenplay/Hollywood-ending

Post a link, and I'll check out your first page tomorrow, my man! Have a great day

Hey Joao, For starters, Using The Hollywood Standard. (1) Tittle page: Perfect! (2) Only put the tittle of your script on the title page and possible on the first narrative page, if it is a feature script. (3)The first'narrative'page is called "page 2", NOT PAGE ONE. (4) Leave the special page number for the screenplays that go into production. (5) Cut the 'character profiles', normally they are not even used in production screenplays. So the second page of your 'SHORT' starts with your 'slugline' INT.PAUL"S... (your what other name you want to give it). (6) You have to describe the Hughes, not their character (maybe you can say the X type), but how they look. 'Show', not tell. (7) Parenthetical character direction a)Never capitalize the first letter of parenthetical character direction. (Check all) b)What is in Parentheticals and what is not. "(On the phone, as she fends off rob, she pokes him in the eye)" --Never describe 'action' in parenthetical, but in an proper action line. "As she fends of Rob - pokes him in the eye: BETH Listen were having ... A bonus is that you don't have to cut of the end of your page in an unpro, way now. (8) Check ALL the names you did not start with a CAP. (9) CUT "TITLES: COUSINS" Don't need this in a spec. Again, It is for the production phase. (10) I you are talking "" END OF EPISODE", you're writing a series, not a feature and you should use DIFFERENT FORMAT. I know the format for series looks like s.... but I can't help it. (11) Grammar: a)Now I 'm becoming a bit of a dick, but I did not invent this "Ah"is enough instead of Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Ok I know, I exaggerated. b) "The movie comes to a end"becomes "The movie comes to "an" end" c) "likened terminator genisys" " "likened"should that not be "liked"" and "Terminator Genisys" d) And ""an" AK40" Check all of your spelling and sentence construction again!!! With kind regards, Rutger Oosterhoff

I'm not sure what the dif is between "Multi-cam forma'" and TV SERIES format. In "Multi-cam format'" all action line should be in CAPS and you probably can end with "END OF EPISODE", but I'm not sure. https://screencraft.org/2016/01/05/the-screenwriters-guide-to-formatting... For a sitcom, and action lines are NOT in caps. They say it can change per sitcom. This is confusing.

rutger thank you so much for taking the time to read my scripts i know it's saturday and your busy. i'll work on my action lines but to be honest there my weakest link. i somehow can't just write them it gets very frustrating. i will definitely look at the screen craft formatting link you've given me and hope to improve as a writer. again thanks if you have any more views please feel free to write it to me

Ok, no problem!

Welcome to the community, Joao! Happy writing :)

thanks sadie, much appreciated

What's good, Joao! Welcome to the Family