FADE IN:
EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
RAIN HAMMERS the roof like a drunk percussionist. Lightning CRACKS. A BLACK HELICOPTER descends violently, its rotors whipping the rain into a frenzy. The side door slides open.
A HUGE, SHIRTLESS MAN (mid-40s, inexplicably oiled) stands framed in the doorwa...
Expand postFADE IN:
EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
RAIN HAMMERS the roof like a drunk percussionist. Lightning CRACKS. A BLACK HELICOPTER descends violently, its rotors whipping the rain into a frenzy. The side door slides open.
A HUGE, SHIRTLESS MAN (mid-40s, inexplicably oiled) stands framed in the doorway. His name is BRICK KILLMORE. He wears sunglasses at night. And a bandolier of grenades shaped like pineapples.
BRICK
(gravelly, like a bear with a hangover)
"Remember, boys – this is a stealth mission."
He BACKFLIPS out of the helicopter. Lands in a puddle. Doesn’t break eye contact with the camera.
INT. WAREHOUSE – CONTINUOUS
THREE HENCHMEN play poker around a barrel-fire. One chews a toothpick. Another has an eyepatch. The third is just… weirdly sweaty.
HENCHMAN #1
(muttering)
"Killmore’s gonna show up. I can feel it."
HENCHMAN #2
(adjusting eyepatch)
"That guy’s like herpes – shows up uninvited, ruins your weekend."
SUDDENLY – THE ROOF EXPLODES. BRICK KILLMORE crashes through the ceiling, landing directly on the poker table. Cards fly. The barrel-fire tips over. The sweaty henchman catches on fire.
BRICK
(cracking knuckles)
"Gentlemen… you’re holding my stapler."
A BEAT. The henchmen exchange glances.
HENCHMAN #3
(screaming, on fire)
"WE DON’T EVEN WORK IN AN OFFICE!"
BRICK sighs. PUNCHES him so hard his skeleton flies out the back of his body cartoon-style.
MONTAGE: BRICK dismantles the remaining henchmen using:
- A paperclip
- A strongly worded Post-It note
- One (1) disciplinary meeting about "appropriate workplace conduct"
When the dust settles, Brick stands victorious. His hair is perfect. His pecs glisten.
A SHADOWY FIGURE steps from the darkness. It’s THE BOSS – a middle manager in a cheap suit, clutching a coffee mug that reads "#1 DAD".
THE BOSS
(deadpan)
"Killmore. You were late on your TPS reports."
BRICK’S EYE TWITCHES.
BRICK
(whisper-shouting)
"Not… the TPS reports…"
DUN DUN DUUUUN.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. MEGACORP HEADQUARTERS – DAY
A GLASS SKYSCRAPER. The logo reads: "EVIL INC. – WE EVIL GOOD".
BRICK KICK-DOORS his way into the lobby.
SECURITY GUARD (70 years old, named Stan) looks up from his crossword.
STAN
(sighing)
"Again?"
BRICK NODS. Stan presses the alarm button. It plays "Careless Whisper" on a kazoo.
BRICK
"Where’s the server room?"
STAN
(pointing)
"Past the motivational posters."
BRICK SQUINTS. A WALL OF POSTERS reads:
- "TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK (unless the dream is leaving before 5PM)"
- "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION (but dental is)"
BRICK GROANS. PULLS OUT A ROCKET LAUNCHER.
STAN
(cheerfully)
"401k’s vested in three weeks!"
BRICK PAUSES. Lowers the rocket launcher.
BRICK
"Damn. That’s good benefits."
TO BE CONTINUED…
(Just kidding.)
INT. MEGACORP LOBBY – CONTINUOUS
BRICK pockets the rocket launcher with visible regret. Stan slides a pamphlet across the desk.
STAN
(conspiratorially)
"Also, we got a ping-pong table."
BRICK
(squinting harder)
"...Full health coverage?"
STAN
(nodding)
"Including therapy for 'workplace trauma.'"
BRICK’S FIST SHAKES. He exhales through his nose like a bull who just got a 5% 401k match.
BRICK
(grudgingly)
"Fine. But I’m filing a complaint about the kazoo alarm."
STAN shrugs, hands him Form 47-B ("Complaints/Unjustifiable Homicide").
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. SERVER ROOM – CONTINUOUS
FLUORESCENT LIGHTS BUZZ ominously. Rows of servers hum. A SINGLE IT GUY (Glenn, 28, cargo shorts) types furiously.
GLENN
(without looking up)
"Password?"
BRICK
(deadpan)
"Guest."
GLENN
"…Really?"
BRICK
(loading shotgun)
"I’m not great with technology."
GLENN SIGHS. Slides a sticky note across the desk: "Password123."
BRICK
(blinking)
"That’s… it?"
GLENN
(munching Cheetos)
"Upper management said cybersecurity was ‘a buzzkill.’"
BRICK stares at the sticky note. The shotgun looks sad.
SUDDENLY—THE DOOR BLASTS OPEN. In strides BRICK’S ARCH-NEMESIS: KAREN FROM HR. Power suit. Clipboard. Lethal amounts of passive aggression.
KAREN
(clicking pen)
"Killmore. You didn’t initial page 37 of your onboarding paperwork."
BRICK’S EYE TWITCHES AGAIN.
BRICK
(voice breaking)
"I WAS BUSY SAVING THE WORLD."
KAREN
(smirking)
"World-saving requires two forms of ID and a signed W-9."
BRICK WHIPS OUT A FLAMETHROWER.
GLENN
(casually)
"Uh, that’s a write-up."
BRICK SCREAMS INTO THE FLAMETHROWER. Cut to:
EXT. MEGACORP BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
BRICK is LAUNCHED out a window. He TUCK-AND-ROLLS into a conveniently placed dumpster labeled "FAILED CAREER CHOICES."
HIS PHONE BUZZES. A text from THE BOSS:
"TPS REPORTS STILL PENDING. ALSO, FIRE EXTINGUISHER TRAINING IS MANDATORY."
BRICK WHIMPERS. FADE TO BLACK.
TO BE CONTINUED… (For real this time.)
FADE IN:
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
BRICK KILLMORE lies sprawled in the dumpster, covered in expired yogurt and shattered dreams. A STRAY CAT (named Mr. Whiskers, unimpressed) stares at him from atop a pizza box.
MR. WHISKERS
(judgingly)
"Meow."
BRICK
(groaning)
"Not now, Whiskers. I’m having a moment."
HIS PHONE BUZZES AGAIN. Another text from THE BOSS:
"REMINDER: ANNUAL PERFORMANCE REVIEWS ARE NEXT WEEK. DRESS CODE: BUSINESS CASUAL (NO BANDOLIERS)."
BRICK’S EYE TWITCHES SO HARD IT COULD POWER A SMALL VILLAGE.
SUDDENLY—A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE steps into the alley. Wearing a TRENCH COAT and a NAME TAG that reads "HELLO MY NAME IS: PLOT DEVICE."
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
(whispering)
"Killmore. There’s a file… a file so dangerous, HR tried to shred it twice."
BRICK
(squinting)
"Is it… my unpaid parking tickets?"
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
(gravely)
"Worse. Your unsubmitted timesheets."
BRICK GASPS. The cat hisses. A DISTANT KAZOO plays ominously.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
"The Boss is cooking the books—literally. He’s using them to barbecue."
BRICK
(standing up dramatically)
"That’s a violation of corporate policy."
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE NODS SOLEMNLY. Hands him a USB DRIVE labeled "CONFIDENTIAL (DO NOT EAT)."
BRICK
(clenching fists)
"Time to punch some numbers… literally."
CUT TO:
INT. MEGACORP ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
BRICK KICK-DOORS his way in. The room is a sea of cubicles, each with a SAD OFFICE WORKER (tie askew, soul crushed).
SAD OFFICE WORKER #1
(monotone)
"Welcome to hell. The coffee’s decaf."
BRICK
(scanning the room)
"Where’s the Boss?"
SUDDENLY—A SPEAKER CRACKLES. THE BOSS’S VOICE echoes through the room like a haunting by PowerPoint.
THE BOSS (V.O.)
"Killmore. You’re the virus in my system."
BRICK
(smirking)
"Funny. I was just thinking the same thing about your expense reports."
THE BOSS (V.O.)
(scoffs)
"Those are creative interpretations."
BRICK PULLS OUT A CHAIR—not to sit, but to SMASH IT INTO A PRINTER. The printer EXPLODES in a blizzard of paper and toner.
SAD OFFICE WORKER #2
(cheering weakly)
"...That was my performance review."
BRICK
(nods)
"You’re promoted."
SUDDENLY—THE ELEVATOR DINGS. Out steps KAREN FROM HR, holding a LEGAL PAD and UNYIELDING EYE CONTACT.
KAREN
(smug)
"Killmore. You didn’t schedule your exit interview."
BRICK
(loading a STAPLE GUN)
"Exit this building—or enter the morgue."
KAREN
(clicks pen)
"That’s hostile workplace behavior."
BRICK SCREAMS. FIRES THE STAPLE GUN. IT JAMS.
KAREN
(smirking)
"Out of staples? How tragic."
BRICK WHIPS OUT A CALCULATOR.
BRICK
(typing furiously)
"Let’s calculate… your chances of survival."
KAREN
(raising an eyebrow)
"Zero… because I have health insurance."
BRICK FREEZES. HIS LIP QUIVERS.
BRICK
(whispering)
"...Damn you."
CUT TO BLACK.
TO BE CONTINUED… (
FADE IN:
INT. MEGACORP ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
BRICK and KAREN stare each other down across a sea of overturned cubicles. A SINGLE STAPLE clatters to the floor between them like a tumbleweed in a corporate wasteland.
SUDDENLY—THE CEILING COLLAPSES. BRICK’S HELICOPTER CRASHES THROUGH THE ACCOUNTS PAYABLE DEPARTMENT.
BLACK SUITED COMMANDOS repel down on VISIBLY EXPENSED nylon ropes. Their leader? STAN THE SECURITY GUARD, now wearing tactical suspenders over his uniform shirt.
STAN
(cracking knuckles)
"I took an optional combat seminar."
BRICK
(grinning)
"Stan. You son of a bitch."
STAN
(shrugging)
"Benefits include dental."
KAREN
(clicking pen furiously)
"This is unauthorized demolition!"
BRICK WHIPS OUT A CHAIR. Not to sit—to SMASH it over the nearest copier. The copier EXPLODES in a blizzard of W-2 forms.
SAD OFFICE WORKER #3
(cheering weakly)
"...My tax withholdings..."
BRICK
(gravelly)
"You’re free, son."
SUDDENLY—A PROJECTOR SCREEN descends. THE BOSS appears via GRAINY ZOOM CALL from what appears to be a BEACH RESORT.
THE BOSS
(sipping margarita)
"Killmore. You’re violating the company dress code."
BRICK
(adjusting his bullet bandolier)
"Casual Friday."
THE BOSS
(smirking)
"Funny. Because today’s Tuesday."
BRICK’S EYE TWITCHES. His MUSCLES TWITCH harder.
STAN
(whispering)
"That’s time theft. Straight to HR jail."
KAREN
(triumphant)
"Gotcha."
BRICK
(loading PAPERCLIP GUN)
"You’ll never take me alive."
KAREN
(scoffs)
"We don’t have to. PTO’s been denied."
BRICK GASPS. The commandos GASP. Even the copier debris seems to GASP.
STAN
(horrified)
"...No... paid... leave?"
BRICK COLLAPSES to his knees. The PAPERCLIP GUN slips from his fingers.
BRICK
(whispering)
"...Monsters."
SUDDENLY—THE FIRE SPRINKLERS activate. Not from fire—from EXCESSIVE WORKPLACE DRAMA. Everyone is SOAKED.
KAREN
(screaming)
"MY PAPERWORK!"
BRICK
(standing slowly)
"Time to liquidate... your assets."
He KICK-FLIPS onto a ROLLING OFFICE CHAIR, SLIDING toward Karen with the SPEED of a MID-MANAGER AVOIDING RESPONSIBILITY.
CUT TO:
EXT. MEGACORP ROOFTOP – NIGHT
THE BOSS SMUGLY sips his margarita by the ROOFTOP POOL. The CITY sprawls below him.
SUDDENLY—BRICK CRASHES through the GLASS CEILING, LANDING in the HOT TUB. Bubbles FURIOUSLY.
THE BOSS
(sighing)
"You’re tracking carpet fibers in the wet area."
BRICK
(rising like a PHOENIX... if phoenixes HAD HEALTHCARE DEDUCTIBLES)
"End of the line, Boss."
THE BOSS
(smirking)
"Wrong. This is the end..."
He PRESSES A BUTTON. The POOL DRAINS... revealing a SECRET ESCAPE SUBMARINE labeled "CORPORATE RETREAT".
BRICK
(blinking)
"...Is that tax-deductible?"
THE BOSS
(winking)
"Team-building exercise."
BRICK LUNGES—
—only to SLIP on a WET POOL NOODLE. He FACE-PLANTS onto the MARBLE DECK as the Boss STROLLS toward the submarine.
THE BOSS (adjusting his SUNHAT)
"Killmore. You failed to account for liabilities."
BRICK SPITS OUT A TOOTH. It CLINKS against the tile—audibly DEDUCTIBLE.
BRICK
(grunting)
"Your escape... is unauthorized!"
THE BOSS
(shrugging)
"So’s your PTO request."
BRICK ROARS—flips the HOT TUB over with SHEER RAGE. Water FLOODS the rooftop, short-circuiting the TIKI TORCHES.
SUDDENLY—KAREN REPELS down from a HELICOPTER wearing FULL SCUBA GEAR.
KAREN (through DIVING MASK)
"Violation: unsanctioned aquatic activity!"
BRICK GRABS a FLOATING POOL BAR. Swings it LIKE A CLUB. Hits the SUBMARINE’S HATCH—which DINGS like a MICROWAVE.
THE BOSS (laughing)
"Impact-resistant! Cost: three company retreats!"
BRICK GROWLS—RIPS a CHAIR from the POOL DECK. It’s WICKER. This is PERSONAL now.
BRICK
(hefting chair)
"Last chance... hand over the W-2s."
THE BOSS SMIRKS. Presses ANOTHER BUTTON. The SUBMARINE’S HATCH opens—revealing GLENN THE IT GUY at the controls, EATING CHEETOS.
GLENN
(mouth full)
"Uh. Password?"
BRICK SCREAMS—HURLS the WICKER CHAIR. It BOUNCES off the submarine’s hull HARMLESSLY.
THE BOSS (boarding submarine)
"Performance review: unsatisfactory."
BRICK PANTS. WATER drips from his GLISTENING PECS. The KAZOO ALARM plays DISTANTLY.
KAREN (adjusting CLIPBOARD)
"Next steps: disciplinary meeting."
BRICK CLENCHES his FISTS—then FREEZES. His PHONE BUZZES. A TEXT from STAN:
"PSA: Donut truck in lobby."
BRICK’S EYES WIDEN.
BRICK
(whispering)
"...Chocolate-glazed?"
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. MEGACORP LOBBY – CONTINUOUS
BRICK STORMING toward the DONUT TRUCK—only to SKID to a HALT. The TRUCK is UNMANNED. A NOTE reads:
"OUT: Mandatory sensitivity training."
BRICK SCREAMS at the CEILING.
SUDDENLY—A VENT COVER CLATTERS open. MR. WHISKERS drops down, dragging a MANILA FOLDER with his TEETH.
BRICK (scooping file)
"You... magnificent furry bastard."
HE FLIPS it open. Inside: THE BOSS’S TAX RETURNS.
A STAMP on the front: "AUDIT IN PROGRESS."
BRICK’S SMILE could MELT STEEL.
BRICK
(gravelly)
"Time to... file for bankruptcy."
CUT TO BLACK.
TO BE CONTINUED... (Probably.)
FADE IN:
EXT. IRS HEADQUARTERS – DAWN
A BRUTALIST CONCRETE MONSTROSITY. The sign reads: "INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE – WE’RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS EITHER."
BRICK KILLMORE approaches the building, clutchi...
Expand commentFADE IN:
EXT. IRS HEADQUARTERS – DAWN
A BRUTALIST CONCRETE MONSTROSITY. The sign reads: "INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE – WE’RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS EITHER."
BRICK KILLMORE approaches the building, clutching the tax returns. He’s wearing a FAKE MUSTACHE (poorly) and a TIE (even more poorly).
SECURITY GUARD (Ron, 63, dead inside) barely glances up from his crossword.
RON
(monotone)
"Welcome to purgatory. Visitor badge is self-service."
BRICK
(shoving the tax returns forward)
"I need to speak to someone about... creative deductions."
RON
(staring)
"That’s every IRS employee’s wedding vow."
SUDDENLY—THE LOBBY DOORS WHOOSH OPEN. A WALL OF AGENTS in identical gray suits march out in terrifying sync. Their leader? AUDITHA (40s, ponytail, killer heels), holding a STAMP like it’s a DEATH WARRANT.
AUDITHA
(smiling thinly)
"Killmore. We’ve been expecting you."
BRICK
(squinting)
"...Is that small talk or tax fraud entrapment?"
AUDITHA
(clicking her STAMP ominously)
"Yes."
MONTAGE: BRICK navigates THE IRS MAZE:
- A CONFERENCE ROOM where agents ARGUE OVER A STAPLER like it’s the HOPE DIAMOND.
- A BREAKROOM with a sign: "FREE COFFEE (JUST KIDDING.)"
- A COPIER that screams when jammed.
FINALLY—A SECURE VAULT DOOR labeled "AUDIT HELL: ABANDON ALL HOPE (AND RECEIPTS) YE WHO ENTER HERE."
AUDITHA
(pressing her badge to the scanner)
"Your file is... unusual."
BRICK
(leaning)
"How unusual?"
THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN—revealing THE BOSS, CHAINED TO A DESK, forced to HAND-WRITE his EXPENSE REPORTS in TRIPLICATE.
THE BOSS
(sobbing)
"I misallocated $3.50 for bagels..."
BRICK
(laughing)
"Justice."
AUDITHA
(stamping a form)
"Correction: justice has a filing fee."
BRICK’S PHONE BUZZES. A TEXT from KAREN:
"REMINDER: PERFORMANCE REVIEW TODAY. DRESS CODE: BUSINESS CASUAL (NO VENGEANCE)."
BRICK SMIRKS. Types back:
"RESCHEDULE. INDEFINITELY."
He TOSSES the phone into a SHREDDER. It SCREAMS.
CUT TO:
EXT. MEGACORP BUILDING – SUNSET
BRICK STROLLS past the SMOLDERING ruins of the LOBBY. STAN waves from his NEW security desk—now just a LAWN CHAIR and a COOLER.
STAN
(raising a beer)
"Unionized."
BRICK NODS. KICKS open the ELEVATOR DOOR. It DINGS CHEERFULLY.
INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
MIRRORS CRACK under BRICK’S GLARE. The MUSIC is ELEVATOR JAZZ—but SLOWLY morphs into MORTAL KOMBAT.
BRICK
(cracking knuckles)
"Showtime."
THE DOORS OPEN—
TO BE CONTINUED... (Definitely.)
FADE IN:
INT. MEGACORP BOARDROOM – SUNSET
A GLASS TABLE stretches the length of a football field. At the head: KAREN FROM HR, flanked by TEN IDENTICAL VICE PRESIDENTS in varying shades of beige.
KAREN
(adjusting headset)
"Let the quarterly bloodletting begin."
The VPs nod. One sneezes into a spreadsheet.
SUDDENLY—THE DOORS EXPLODE INWARD. BRICK KILLMOME strides through the smoke, dragging THE BOSS by his TIE (now used as a LEASH).
BRICK
(grinning)
"Sorry I’m late. Had to file some paperwork."
THE BOSS
(weakly)
"...Amended returns..."
KAREN’S PEN CLICKS. The sound ECHOES like a GUNSHOT.
KAREN
(cold)
"Killmore. This is highly irregular."
BRICK
(tossing THE BOSS onto the table)
"Like his offshore accounts."
The VPs GASP. One faints into a potted plant.
KAREN
(leaning forward)
"Evidence?"
BRICK SLAMS a USB DRIVE onto the table. It’s SHAPED LIKE A SKULL.
BRICK
(smiling)
"Encrypted. Password is... ‘password’."
KAREN SNATCHES it—jams it into her LAPTOP. The screen FLICKERS to life, displaying:
THE BOSS’S SEARCH HISTORY:
- "How to launder money literally"
- "Best beaches for tax evasion"
- "Can you deduct a flamethrower as office supplies?"
SILENCE. Then—
VP #4
(whispering)
"...Genius."
KAREN SLAMS the laptop shut. Her EYE TWITCHES.
KAREN
(standing)
"Effective immediately... you’re promoted."
BRICK
(blinking)
"...What?"
KAREN
(smiling)
"To his job."
She KICKS THE BOSS off the table. He PLUMMETS out the window. A DISTANT SPLAT.
BRICK
(staring)
"...Health insurance?"
KAREN
(nodding)
"Dental included."
BRICK’S FIST UNCLENCHES. His EYE STOPS TWITCHING.
BRICK
(slowly)
"...I accept."
The VPs APPLAUD halfheartedly. One vomits quietly into a binder.
KAREN
(handing him a PLACARD)
"Your new title."
BRICK READS it: "CHIEF EXECUTIVE PUNCHER."
BRICK
(grinning)
"Finally... a mission statement I believe in."
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. MEGACORP ROOFTOP – NIGHT
BRICK KILLMORE stands at the edge, TIE flapping in the wind. Below him, THE CITY burns metaphorically (and literally, near Accounting).
MR. WHISKERS SAUNTERS up, drops a MOUSE at his feet.
BRICK
(petting him)
"Good kitty."
STAN WANDERS over, holding TWO MARGARITAS.
STAN
(cheerfully)
"Union negotiated happy hour."
BRICK TAKES one. SIPS. WINCES.
BRICK
(frowning)
"Decaf?"
STAN SHRUGS.
STAN
"Budget cuts."
SUDDENLY—BRICK’S PHONE RINGS. He FLIPS it open. A GRAVELY VOICE:
MYSTERIOUS VOICE
(echoing)
"Killmore... the TP in TPS stands for..."
BRICK SMASHES the phone. TURNS to Stan.
BRICK
(deadpan)
"Call HR."
STAN LAUGHS. BRICK LAUGHS. MR. WHISKERS HISSES.
FADE TO BLACK.
POST-CREDIT SCENE:
INT. DIMPLE DRIVE-IN – NIGHT
A SINGLE PROJECTOR HUMS. The screen flickers to life with the MEGACORP LOGO—now altered with crayon to read "MOMCORP ♥".
AUDIENCE: THREE TEENAGE HACKERS slurping Big Gulps, one SLEEPING USHER, and BRICK KILLMORE—now wearing a COMPANY POLO (stained with what appears to be BBQ sauce).
ON SCREEN:
A GRAINY VIDEO of THE BOSS, duct-taped to a OFFICE CHAIR in a DARK ROOM. He whimpers as a SHADOWY FIGURE adjusts the camera.
SHADOWY FIGURE
(whispering)
"Message for Killmore..."
The camera ZOOMS IN—revealing KAREN FROM HR, now wearing a SKULL PIN and carrying a BRIEFCASE MADE OF TAX FORMS.
KAREN
(smiling)
"Miss me?"
BRICK SPITS OUT HIS POPTART.
BRICK
(whispering)
"Oh hell..."
KAREN
(clicking pen)
"Revenge is best served... in triplicate."
She OPENS the briefcase—revealing A SINGLE STAPLER labeled "JUDGMENT DAY."
TO BE CONTINUED... (Seriously, we'll stop eventually.)
FADE TO BLACK.
POST-POST-CREDIT SCENE:
INT. MEGACORP JANITOR'S CLOSET – NIGHT
A SINGLE LIGHTBULB flickers. The CAMERA PANS DOWN to reveal THE BOSS—now wearing a TORN COMPANY POLO and duct tape wrist restraints—scoo...
Expand commentPOST-POST-CREDIT SCENE:
INT. MEGACORP JANITOR'S CLOSET – NIGHT
A SINGLE LIGHTBULB flickers. The CAMERA PANS DOWN to reveal THE BOSS—now wearing a TORN COMPANY POLO and duct tape wrist restraints—scooting across the floor using ONLY HIS CHIN.
THE BOSS
(whispering desperately)
"I know I left a protein bar in here after the 2017 holiday party..."
SUDDENLY—THE LIGHTBULB SHATTERS. Darkness. THE SOUND OF A STAPLER BEING COCKED.
KAREN'S VOICE
(inhumanly calm)
"Section B... subsection 12..."
THE BOSS
(whimpering)
"Oh god... the fine print..."
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BRICK'S NEW OFFICE – DAY
A GLASS WALL overlooks the city. BRICK KILLMORE sits at a DESK MADE OF REPURPOSED ROCKET LAUNCHERS, twirling a gold-plated stapler.
SUDDENLY—HIS DOOR KICKS OPEN. In marches AUDITHA, dragging a sobbing ACCOUNTANT by his TIE.
AUDITHA
(slamming a three-foot stack of papers on his desk)
"Killmore. You under-reported your explosives deductions."
BRICK
(leaning forward)
"...Is that illegal or just bad accounting?"
AUDITHA
(adjusting her audit visor)
"Depends. Did you keep receipts?"
FLASHBACK: BRICK burning receipts to light cigars in slow motion.
BRICK
(sweating)
"...Define receipts."
AUDITHA SMIRKS. Presses PLAY on a TAPE RECORDER. It's BRICK'S VOICE:
TAPE BRICK
(yelling)
"RECEIPTS ARE FOR COWARDS!"
BRICK GROANS. PULLS OUT A CHECKBOOK—then PAUSES.
BRICK
(squinting)
"...Wait. Who owns this company now?"
SUDDENLY—THE WINDOW SHATTERS. MR. WHISKERS SAUNTERS in holding a BURNED CORPORATE CHARTER in his TEETH.
BRICK READS it aloud:
BRICK
"Shareholder name... Princess Buttercup Whiskers Esq.?"
MR. WHISKERS MEOWS smugly. DROPS a MOUSE on the 401K FORM.
CUT TO:
EXT. MEGACORP ROOFTOP – SUNSET
BRICK stands over the city, now WEARING A CROWN made of STAPLES and PAPERCLIPS. MR. WHISKERS PURRING on his shoulder.
STAN
(handing him a cat-themed coffee mug)
"Welcome to middle management, sir."
BRICK SIPS. WINCES.
BRICK
(deadpan)
"...Decaf?"
STAN SHRUGS.
STAN
"Board decision."
SUDDENLY—BRICK'S NEW PHONE RINGS. A FAMILIAR GRAVELY VOICE:
KAREN (V.O.)
(echoing)
"Killmore... your health insurance just lapsed."
BRICK CRUSHES the phone in his fist. TURNS to Stan.
BRICK
(grinning)
"Call my lawyer."
STAN BLINKS.
STAN
"...You have a lawyer?"
BRICK PATS MR. WHISKERS.
BRICK
"He does."
MR. WHISKERS HISSES—revealing a DIAMOND-COLLAR engraved: "PAWYER AT LAW."
FADE TO BLACK.
TO BE CONTINUED... (We lied again.)
FADE
IN:
INT. MEGACORP LEGAL DEPARTMENT – DAY
A MAZE OF GLASS WALLS reveals LAWYERS in identical blue suits arguing with PHOTOCOPIERS. The room smells of FEAR and...
Expand commentTO BE CONTINUED... (We lied again.)
FADE
IN:
INT. MEGACORP LEGAL DEPARTMENT – DAY
A MAZE OF GLASS WALLS reveals LAWYERS in identical blue suits arguing with PHOTOCOPIERS. The room smells of FEAR and EXPENSED CAB FARES.
MR. WHISKERS STRUTS down the hallway wearing a TINY POWER TIE, dragging a BRIEFCASE labeled "CLIENT: FOOD BOWL VS. HUMANITY."
RECEPTIONIST (Janice, 52, three Advils deep) barely glances up from her solitaire game.
JANICE
(monotone)
"Appointments are by subpoena only."
MR. WHISKERS HISSES, drops a MOUSE on her keyboard.
JANICE
(squinting at the rodent)
"...Pro bono?"
CUT TO:
INT. CORNER OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
A WALL OF DIPLOMAS frames BRICK KILLMORE’S NEW DESK—now just TWO FILING CABINETS with a ROCKET LAUNCHER balanced across them.
BRICK
(pouring whiskey into a coffee mug)
"Status report."
MR. WHISKERS JUMPS onto the desk, KNOCKS OVER a TROPHY labeled "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH (BY DEFAULT)."
SUDDENLY—THE DOOR KICKS OPEN. In marches AUDITHA flanked by FIVE IDENTICAL ACCOUNTANTS holding ABACUSES.
AUDITHA
(slamming a scroll on the desk)
"Killmore. You owe the IRS 14.7 million in unaccompanied lunch receipts."
BRICK
(squinting at the scroll)
"Is this Latin?"
AUDITHA
(adjusting visor)
"No. Tax code."
BRICK SIGHS, pulls out a CHECKBOOK—then PAUSES.
BRICK
(grinning)
"Wait. Isn’t this Stan’s fault?"
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. SECURITY OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
STAN sits in his LAWN CHAIR, watching DAYTIME TV while eating SPILLED DONUTS off the floor.
SUDDENLY—THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN. BRICK TACKLES him THROUGH a PARTICLEBOARD WALL.
STAN
(spitting out drywall)
"Union rules—breakroom fights only!"
BRICK DRAGS him by the ANKLES down the hallway WHILE typing ONE-HANDED on Stan’s PHONE.
BRICK
(gritted teeth)
"Forwarding your paycheck to the Department of Treasury."
STAN
(gasping)
"My child support!"
BRICK
(nodding)
"Exactly. They’ll never find it."
CUT TO:
EXT. IRS BUILDING – SUNSET
STAN STUMBLES out the REVOLVING DOOR, wearing HANDCUFFS and a TAG that reads "PROPERTY OF AUDITHA."
AUDITHA
(shouting from window)
"Next time bring a notarized apology!"
STAN FLIPS her off with his CUFFED HANDS.
STAN
(muttering)
"Worth it."
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BRICK’S OFFICE – NIGHT
BRICK FACEPLANTS onto his DESK, GROANING. MR. WHISKERS BATS a STAPLER at his HEAD.
SUDDENLY—THE WINDOW SHATTERS. A SMOKE BOMB rolls in. Through the haze: KAREN FROM HR, now wearing a BLACK TACTICAL PANTSUIT and HEELED COMBAT BOOTS.
KAREN
(cocking STAPLE GUN)
"Killmore. You missed your exit interview."
BRICK BLINKS.
BRICK
(cheerfully)
"Oh good. You're my 5 PM therapy appointment."
KAREN STEPS forward—STILETTO puncturing a STRAY TAX FORM like it's PERSONAL.
KAREN
(smirking)
"Today’s topic: Termination With Cause."
MR. WHISKERS HISSES—launches at her face. KAREN BACKHANDS him mid-air with a STAPLER.
THWACK. The cat SPINS into a FILLING CABINET.
BRICK GASPS.
BRICK
(horrified)
"...That was company property!"
KAREN SLIDES a PINK SLIP across the desk. It reads:
"REASON FOR TERMINATION: Excessive purring during board meetings."
BRICK SNATCHES a LETTER OPENER—TWIRLS it.
BRICK
(grinning)
"Wanna see my severance package?"
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. MEGACORP HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
BRICK BACKFLIPS down the corridor WHILE Karen SOMERSAULTS after him, STAPLE GUN BLAMMING.
A RECEPTIONIST (Janice, now on her fifth Advil) watches them WHIZ past her desk.
JANICE
(monotone)
"Floor four is for silent disco assassinations."
CUT TO:
INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
BRICK SLAMS the DOOR CLOSE button—JUST as Karen DIVES through the CLOSING GAP.
They FACE OFF in the TINY SPACE, breathing heavily.
KAREN
(adjusting hair tie)
"...You stole my parking spot in 2019."
BRICK BLINKS.
BRICK
(whispering)
"...That was you?"
The elevator DINGS.
BOTH WHIP around—revealing THE ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS holding COFFEE CUPS and DISAPPOINTED EXPRESSIONS.
CEO
(sipping decaf)
"This is why we outsourced HR."
BRICK KICKS the EMERGENCY STOP button. The elevator SCREECHES to a halt.
BRICK
(pointing at Karen)
"She started it."
KAREN
(pointing back)
"He took the last doughnut."
The BOARD GASPS. One FAINTS onto the FLOOR BUTTONS—accidentally DEPLOYING the FIRE ESCAPE SLIDE.
EVERYONE TUMBLES into the NEON YELLOW TUBE, SCREAMING.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. MEGACORP PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
The SLIDE SPITS them out onto a PILE OF UNREAD COMPANY NEWSLETTERS.
BRICK GROANS, SPITTING out PAPERCLIPS.
SUDDENLY—MR. WHISKERS SKIDS into frame on a OFFICE CHAIR, HISSING. He JUMPS onto Karen’s SHOULDER—BITES her EARPIECE.
KAREN
(grabbing cat)
"Hostile work environment!"
BRICK SNEAKS up behind her—WHISPERS:
BRICK
"...You wanna go halfsies on a fraudulent expense report?"
KAREN PAUSES.
KAREN
(suspicious)
"...How fraudulent?"
BRICK GRINS, pulling out a FAKE MUSTACHE and a RECEIPT for a "TACTICAL YACHT".
FADE TO BLACK.
I'll stop there. These prompts go on forever. I can't believe how the AI even goes after Voice on the page.